He’s testing me, I realize as I stare at him in disbelief, in outrage, in shock. He's looking at me with awhat are you going to do about it?expression. He's waiting for my retaliation, knowing it's never going to come because he's spent too much time cutting me down, making me completely dependent on him. He doesn't think I have it in me to say a bad word against him because he knows exactly how important he's made his comfort mean to me.
But now… now he’s going after Remy. This is just a new boundary that he's pushing, trying to stretch the line farther and farther until there isn't a single thing he couldn't get away with.
How far will he take this? What else will he go after? First it was my self-esteem, my happiness, my independence. Now it's my love for my family and friends, whom he's already begun to alienate. He's just going from indirect to direct right now.
What's next? Blatant, even more vicious insults? He's been subtle with them so far, digging them in like a splinter so they're annoying but not exactly overwhelming. Or will it be physical abuse? Would he ever hit me? Lately, I've actually found myself wishing he would actually hit me, just once, just so I'd have a clear sign of his abuse that I can point to and say,There! That's why he's a bad guy. That's why I broke up with him.
Up until this point, I haven't had anything specific to point to. No good enough reason to break up with him that he would accept. I've just been waiting for something to break me out of my daze so I can finally walk away.
And he just gave it to me.
With that one comment about my sister, it feels like the rest of his mask has been lifted. Suddenly, I see him clearly for every ugly thing he's ever said to me. I feel every dig at my mind, my clothes, my career choice, my hobbies, my personality—everything that was meant to cut down my self-esteem. I see how he's alienated me from my family and friends. I see how he'schangedme, both physically and emotionally.
I am a shadow of the woman that I once was. And I’m done. Officially done being made to feel this way.
"You're an asshole," I say in a stunned voice. "You're… you're just an asshole, Steve."
He raises an eyebrow in disbelief. "That's it? That's all you have to defend your precious sister?" He scoffs and straightens from where he's leaning on the doorway, looking completely at ease. "You're pathetic."
At least I was right about his insults getting worse. In the span of an hour, we've gone from subtle digs to outright condescension.
"No," I say quietly. "That's not all."
He turns to me with a cocked eyebrow, looking visibly smug as he waits.
I feel like I've finally woken up. I feel like I'm finally seeing my past, present, and future for what it was, is, and will be if I continue down this path. I might not magically snap back to my pre-Steve personality, but at least now I'm aware of what’s happened to me and why.
At least now I feel like I'm capable of doing something about it.
I straighten to my full height and lift my chin in the air with a deep breath. "We're over, Steve. I’m done."
He scoffs and shakes his head. "You're not leaving over this. You'll get over it; it's not like I said anything untrue."
"You just called my sister a whore!" I shout in disbelief. "After you've treatedmelike one for our entire relationship."
"Shouldn't act like one if you don't want to be called out for being one," he sneers at me. “If you’re going to beg me to treat you like a whore when I fuck you, then you should be prepared for me to call you what you are, sweetheart. Can’t have it both ways.”
I can only gape at him in shock. “Are you kidding me right now? Those two things arenotthe same. Just because I want more than just vanilla sex does not mean you get to kink shame me. Especially outside of the bedroom!”
A look of disgust rolls over his face. “So now you havekinks?What’s next? Are you going to ask me to fuck you in public? Or maybe you want me to piss on you? Huh? Just how depravedareyou, Hailey?”
I flinch at the crude words, each question hitting like an individual blow. I always knew Steve thought I was dirty for wanting more than just slow and sweet lovemaking, but he’s never actually said it out loud. So far, I’ve only ever gotten judgmental looks and implied comments.
Is this what we've come to now? Openly shaming me? Since the birthday incident three weeks ago, Steve has clearly become more comfortable doing what he wants and not caring about how it affects me. He has less of a filter now and his comments aren't nearly as subtle as they used to be.
It's almost like he watched me that day and noticed that I was finally seeing him for what he is—as well as that I wasn't doing anything about it. It felt like my final approval for him to step into his true personality and devastate everything in our relationship.
Any good things that have happened since then were only to reel me back in and taunt me with the possibility of what we had in the beginning.
"Go get your things, we're already running late to this party that I'm not sure why we're going to," he orders, gesturing at my shawl and purse.
"What?" I ask in disbelief. "I just told you I'm breaking up with you, we're not going anywhere."
He gives me a look that should be reserved for parents looking at their whiny teenagers. "We're not breaking up. You can throw your temper tantrum in the car. Let's go."
I steel my spine and repeat myself with harsh clarity. "Steve, I'm serious. I don't want to be with you anymore. We're over."
Another look like he's dealing with an insolent child flashes my way. "You're not leaving me. Where would you go? You can't afford anything on the money you make at your shitty job."