Despite the borderline-order he just gave me, I'm glad he's leaving. I'm mortified at his behavior and the fact that Jax was the one to see it.
"I'm sorry," I tell Jax as soon as Steve is out of earshot. "I don't know why he said that, he's not usually so... confrontational."
Jax just looks at me, frozen in place. I have no idea what's going through his mind right now.
I nervously fidget with the fabric of my shirt as I try to steer the conversation away from the awkwardness it's now taken on. "Did he land anything? Are you hurt at all?"
I see his jaw flex, but he answers in a tight voice. "No, he didn't land anything."
When he doesn't say anything else, I try again. "Are you going out to Frankie's with everyone? They all sound like they want to celebrate with you. You love Frankie's, don't you?"
"Why aren't you coming?" he asks suddenly. "You love Frankie's, too. Or at least, you did."
The unspoken jab is hard to miss.Until him.
I swallow the lump in my throat. I hate fighting with Jax more than anything in the world. "I'm just not really a big drinker anymore. Neither is Steve, so I just thought we'd call it an early night and go home. I'll come out with you guys another time—"
"You should leave him at home next time, then," Jax snaps. "Or better yet, just leave him entirely."
I flinch at the force of his words. I can tell he immediately regrets his tone because his entire expression softens and becomes pained.
"Fuck, Hailey, I'm sorry," he mutters. "I don't want to snap at you. I just—" He swallows and looks away from me, the pain in his expression multiplying. "Forget it, it doesn't matter. I just miss you, that's all. I wish you were coming with us tonight."
The tension eases from my shoulders and a small smile appears on my face. "I miss you too," I say softly.
But then I realize that's probably an inappropriate thing to say, even though Jax and I have been friends for over a decade. I glance around nervously to make sure Steve didn't somehow reappear next to me.
"I should probably get going," I murmur. "I don't want to keep him waiting." I smile at Jax, even though there's a tight feeling in my chest that I can't name and that I somehow know I won't be able to shake. "Congrats again on the win. You were amazing, you should be proud."
His still-taped hands squeeze into fists, and it looks like he wants to reach for me, but instead he just gives a stiff nod and says, "Thanks. And thanks for coming."
And as I turn away from one of my oldest and best friends, I can't help but feel like I'm making the wrong choice tonight.
5
HAILEY
Three weeks later, I’m waking Steve up on his birthday by throwing a leg over his sleeping body and straddling his hips. When he only groans in his sleep, I lean down to press a kiss to his neck. I still don't get a response, so I start to kiss my way down his naked chest, pulling the sheets down as I go.
It isn't until I reach the edge of his boxers that I feel him fully wake up—when he fists my hair in a brutal grip and yanks.
I stare up at him in shock. Steve has never once been aggressive in the bedroom. He's generally the opposite, mostly sweet and gentle and a perfect gentleman. He's always treated me like I'm fragile.
Which, ironically, is the exact opposite of what I've always wanted. But it doesn't matter how many times I've begged him to be rough, or a little dirty, he can never bring himself to do it. And he doesn't understand how I could possibly want that, so it's an argument that I've accepted I have no way of winning.
Only now, he's being as aggressive as I've only ever hoped for.
My eager, lust-filled wish dies as quickly as it came. Because as soon as I look at him in shock, he interprets it as horror and immediately lets go of my hair. His own eyes widen, as if he didn't even realize what he'd done.
"Sorry, I—I think I was still asleep," he stammers. "You scared me. I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you okay?"
I barely stop my eyes from rolling before I answer. "You didn't hurt me, Steve." I let my gaze shroud over with desire as I bring my hand to his morning wood, letting him see my intentions. "Do it again," I whisper as I reach for his boxers.
But he stops me by grabbing my hand. His jaw clenches, and I can tell he's annoyed by my silent ask for roughness. "I'm not in the mood, Hailey."
I sigh and pull away from him, straightening to a sitting position where I'm still straddling his hips. "I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday," I say quietly.
When the hard expression doesn't leave his face, I lie down next to him, curling up under his arm and pressing myself against his side.