She can’t even tell me no. Even if I tell her to, even if I give her an environment where she feels safe enough to, she can’t do it.
And in this moment, I realize that in order to save her, I need to do exactly the thing that might drive her away from me forever.
“Hailey,” I croak, the pain rushing through me. “We need to take a break.”
26
JAX
Her head snaps to face me. “What?!”
The look on her face shreds my heart.Fuck, I don’t want to do this.
I try to get my words out, but they get stuck in my throat. I swallow roughly and try again. “Your sister was right. We rushed into this too quickly.”
She quickly shuffles away from me to create some distance between us. “You’re breaking up with me?” she whispers in disbelief.
“No,” I say hurriedly. “I could never—I don’t want…” Fuck. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to say. “I just think we need a little bit of space. I was wrong to jump on you right after yourbreakup, I should’ve given you space then to clear your head after that piece of shit—”
“Youhelp me clear my head!” she interrupts angrily. “You’re exactly what I need right now. Why are you trying to push me away? What happened?”
I mutter a curse and look to the ceiling for patience and a way to explain this without sounding condescending. “I… I just think you’re leaning on me too heavily,” I say without looking at her. “I think Steve made you dependent on him and now that’s the only kind of relationship you know. It’s how you’re treating us.” I drop my gaze to my lap and admit quietly, “I don’t even think you realize you’re doing it.”
She jumps up from the couch, the anger evident on her face. “Stop it,” she hisses. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel, Jax. You have no idea what I went through or how I feel being with you.”
I hold my hands up in surrender. “You’re right, I don’t—”
“You don’t get to make a decision for me,” she continues angrily. “You don’t get to be noble Jax and save poor little Hailey from herself.”
“Hailey, I would never—” I say in a panic.
“That’s exactly what you’re doing!” she exclaims, throwing her hands in the air. “You’re making a decision for me without me.”
She’s right. I know she’s right. But that doesn’t mean I’m wrong about this. She needs to become her own person again, and she can’t do that when I’m this close to her.
That thought hardens my resolve and convinces me that I’m doing the right thing. I take a deep breath and stand from the couch, keeping my movements slow so as to not make her any more panicked. She watches me with a wary glare, the anger still radiating from her body.
I step in front of her and cup her face, my thumb lovingly rubbing her cheek. “Hailey,” I murmur softly. “I don’t know anything about what you went through, you’re right. All I know is you… I know you. And I’m not looking at the same Hailey that I know is deep inside you. I just want to give you some space to find her again because I think being with me is giving you a crutch and an excuse to not deal with all the shit in your head. I think if we just took a break for a little—”
She knocks my hand away from her face. “There’s no such thing as a break, Jax,” she cuts me off angrily. “We’re either together or we’re not. There’s no in between.”
I swallow roughly, even though I knew there was a possibility she’d say that. The Porter sisters have always had this thing about being treated as second-best, so I’m not surprised she’s giving me an ultimatum.
“If that’s what you want, then I understand,” I mumble, even though saying the words feels like driving nails into my own goddamn heart. “I still stand by needing some space.”
She stares at me in disbelief, and I can practically feel the realization start to hit her that I’m being serious about this.
“So if I started fucking someone else, you would be fine with it,” she says in a flat tone.
I flinch. No, I wouldn’t be fine with it. Even thinking about it makes me want to take back everything I just said and lock her into my bedroom so no man can ever look at, let alone touch, her ever again.
But I grit my teeth and remind myself that this is for the greater good. That Hailey just needs a little space to heal on her own, and then we can try this again, for real. This is just the necessary painful part.
“I wouldn’t be fine with it, but it would be your decision and I would understand,” I somehow manage to say. I take a breath and add, “But I would hope you would try to understand why I’m doing this and take the space to heal instead of trying to fill the void with another guy. Which is exactly what I’m trying to fix, by the way.”
Her face falls. “Fix?” she whispers brokenly. “You want to fix me?”
Fuck.“That was a poor choice of words.”