The anger returns to her face in the blink of an eye. “No it wasn’t. That’s exactly what you meant.” She crosses her arms over her chest, waiting expectantly. “Go on, then. Tell me what you think I need to fix. If we’re going to have this conversation let’s at least be honest about it.”
I hesitate, sensing the trap but not knowing how to deal with it.
“Go on,” she pushes. “Tell me.”
I deflate, resigning myself to my fate. And instead of trying to take it all back and beg for her to forget everything I just said, I tell her the truth.
“You’re too used to being in a toxic relationship,” I admit, dejected. “You don’t know how to exist in a relationship when it’s not perfect all the time, because you’re so used to your concerns being either ignored or treated like they’re invalid.” I inhale a stuttering breath, searching for the courage to go on.
Hailey just stands there, frozen.
“I could get through all that with you, if that’s all it was. I could show you healthy communication. But it’s not just that.” I can’t help but wince at the next part. “Steve manipulated you so badly that he crushed your will and made you dependent on him for any kind of self-confidence. And now you’re leaning on me the same way. You can’t make a decision on your own because you’re too scared you’re not good enough, and it’s holding you back.” I meet her gaze, resigning myself to the sadness that’s slowly starting to overwhelm my system. “You can’t even tell me you don’t want to go to the gym because you don’t want to tell me no.”
Her eyes widen at that. “You’re breaking up with me because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings?”
I hesitate, but then nod. “When was the last time you said no to someone?”
Her lips part in surprise. “I say no at work all the time!”
I nod again. “Yes, but only because you’ve somehow managed to compartmentalize your work-self away from everything else. You’ve been in the restaurant industry long enough that work-Hailey managed to not change, even as real-life Hailey became less and less like herself.” I pause, my resolve hardening. “When was the last time you said no to someone?” I repeat.
She looks lost for a moment. “I… I… there’s been plenty of times that I—” But then the anger returns and her face clouds over. “That’s not fair. It’s not a crime to be a people-pleaser.”
“It is if it’s at the cost of your own mental health. You deserve to do what makesyouhappy just as much as anyone that you make happy by compromising when you don’t want to,” I say quietly.
Her eyes widen. I brace myself for another outburst, which means I’m caught off-guard when I get the opposite.
Just a flat statement, a cold dismissal.
“Fuck you, Jax. Fuck everything you just said.”
I flinch. Hailey cursing—especially aimed atme—is like a knife through the heart.
“Fine, let’s break up, then. If that’s what you want.”
I’ve never heard her voice so cold.
I hesitantly raise my gaze to meet hers. Her arms are still crossed and she’s staring at me with a level of hate and anger that I never thought I’d see from the sweet little girl that used to follow me around when she was a kid.
It breaks my fucking heart.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I hope you can understand why I’m doing this.”
“I don’t,” she says coldly. “All I see is you giving up on us.”
I shake my head, dropping my gaze. “I could never do that. I’m just trying to do what’s best for us.” I swallow roughly before looking at her again. “I just don’t want to be a rebound.”
And just like that, all the anger and coldness leaves her body like a breath leaving her lungs.
“You could never be a rebound,” she says in a shell-shocked voice. She swallows, looking slightly panicked now. “You’re Jax,” she whispers brokenly.
Fuck, what that does to me. I never thought it would hurt to hear someone say Jax and Hailey in the inevitable kind of way it’s always been said.
But this… hearing her say my name like that? Ithurts.
Her panic escalates. She starts to shuffle her feet where she stands, the emotion building behind her eyes. “You’re not a rebound, I swear. You’re…” She looks away, her fidgeting increasing. “You’reeverything.”
When she turns back to me I almost crumple to my knees from the sight of the pain in her eyes. “Just tell me what you want, and I’ll fix it. Tell me what you need from me.” Her voice cracks when she adds, “Please.”