I never thought that it would happen. Even though I really wanted it to happen, I didn't think that I would be blessed enough to see that day.
When I saw the ring in the ring box as Tony was kneeling on the floor, I had a glimmer of hope that maybe that real life that I've always dreamed of would finally become a reality. When I said yes I took a giant leap towards being with my amazing man with whom we could, together, have a life of happiness. I could see it in his eyes that day a year ago. He wanted me and he loved me.
Never did I think that while that was all happening, I had a baby growing inside of me.
The baby that is now three months old, our very own little Serafina, who I’m holding in my arms at this very moment.
She was born at a whopping nine pounds, but she was healthy as an ox, that’s all that mattered to me.
The first moment she was placed in my arms I could have sworn that she smiled, knowing that second that she was right where she belonged, with her mother, about to be the center of her father and my universe…forever.
There was nothing like seeing her little face being tucked into my chest as the nurse handed her over to me. There was also no other experience like seeing Tony become a father to a baby girl.
All these thoughts speed through my mind as I sit here with her in our nursery, slowly rocking back and forth in my chair.
Usually, when I’m in this room it’s hard to think, to have these deep thoughts. That’s because Tony went above and beyond to make it one of the best, most relaxing, nurseries I've ever seen. There are pink walls with hand-drawn rainbows and butterflies. The crib is magnificent and the best one money can buy. It was so cute watching Tony devote hours to researching which one to get in order to make sure his child had the best start in life.
The thing literally has a digitally controlled heating system and so many other features that I haven't even looked at. I love my life. I love it so much that Tony and I went to City Hall to get married. I always thought that I would have a huge wedding and one day I will, but I love my life so much that I didn't even need it. All I need is this baby and Tony. And of course, Luca who has warmed up to little Serafina as if they aren't just half siblings but full siblings.
There's a little knock on the door, and it can only be Tony.
"You know that you don't need to knock in your own house?" I say softly, looking back over my shoulder.
He chuckles. "You know Serafina is three months old today. It's also been exactly four months since they closed the child services case."
"When you left the D’Angelo family and gave the ranks off to that foot soldier or whatever, they lost everything that they ever had on you…most importantly their desire because you were no longer the big boss, the Don, the buck stops here guy. They gave up. You proved to them that you were a changed man. I think having this baby also did something to them. They realized that there was no turning back for Tony D'Angelo."
He kisses me on the forehead before kissing Serafina. I must admit, sometimes when he kisses my baby I get a little jealous. Maybe it's because I didn't have much time to have him all to myself.
"Nothing beats seeing that pompous F.B.I. agent hand me the papers telling me that the case was closed. The loss that he had on his face was like he’d fumbled multiple times during the Super Bowl, with the whole world watching and no way to try and spin it into anything but what his investigation was…a complete failure. It was a shining moment in my life for sure."
I laugh. "More than the birth of your child? Or taking my virginity?"
"Oh yes, way past both of those things."
We both laugh.
“Not even close. You know family is on a whole other level above anything and everything else. You know…after I took your virginity, I had it in my head that you got pregnant right then and there. And you did. I don't know what it was but I just knew…knew we were perfect together in all ways. I had this instinct that was calling out to me, telling me that I was going to become a father again because this time it was right…because of you."
Slowly and carefully he picks me up and carries both Serafina and me to the bed we have in the nursery. After gently placing my butt down on the mattress, my feet finding the floor, he sits next to us. I rub his masculine hands as they rest on my knee.
He had the bed put in this room because we like to sleep with the baby sometimes. As I rub his hands I study them, noticing the veins in his hand remind me of the veins in his dick. It's crazy to me that even after the stress of having a baby, keeping up with classes, and watching Luca during the day, I still have such a raw and passionate desire for Tony. Sometimes it just feels like I can't contain myself with how much I love him and am attracted to him.
"I believe you. And I don't think that it was a coincidence."
"I agree with that statement one hundred percent. You and I were meant to be. There's no doubt in my mind when it comes to that."
We both look at Serafina for a moment, just resting so peacefully. Every now and then she opens her eyes and looks around in wonder. It's the same way I look at Tony most of the time. She's a sweetheart, and I can't believe that he and I made her. He runs his meaty fingers over her forehead, giving it a little rub.
"You're so gentle with her," I say to him.
"You say that almost like you're surprised. Am I not gentle with you?"
I giggle at that but keep the giggle as hushed as I can because I don't want Serafina to wake up. "There you go again, after all this time together, you still psychoanalyze me and every word that,” I say.
He laughs hard. To this day I still feel a sense of accomplishment every time I get him to laugh out loud like that. Despite how much he's opened up and changed, he's still pretty stoic half the time. There's an effort that's needed to pull him out of his shell. He’s built up these walls around himself, and learned how to control every last detail, emotional and otherwise, so getting him to truly relax on the regular is going to be a lifetime challenge for me. One I gladly accept, because the rewards are ones that only I get to see. Mine and mine alone. Sure, he can still be impenetrable at times, but Serafina, Luca, and I have all made that shell around him a little softer.
"I'll always psychoanalyze you because I'm interested in you. I always feel like I can get deeper and closer. There's never enough that I can learn about you."