Despite becoming the perfect, responsible adult, I’m not foolish enough to think Jeremy has erased everything that happened while he was growing up. He wasn’t young enough to be able to forget all about his ‘Ghost Mommy.’
And I know that memories of that version of his mother were still fresh in his head when he was seven, eight, and nine, because he sometimes asked me if ‘Ghost Mommy’ was ever coming back.
However, he hasn’t mentioned it since Lia found balance again, and this is actually the first time he’s voluntarily spoken about it. “Saved you how?” I ask in a low voice to keep him talking.
“Growing up, I resented Mom a little for erasing you and me. For not recognizing us for days on end. For being so out of it that I often found her spasming in her sleep. For looking at us yet not seeing us.”
“Jeremy. Your mother has mental issues…”
“I know, but I still hated her sometimes. You didn’t?”
“I wanted to shake the fuck out of her, and she hates me sometimes, too, but that’s normal. We can’t be full of love and understanding all our lives.”
“Cecily told me that. She also told me not to blame Mom, because if she’d had the choice, she wouldn’t have become a ghost. And she loved us enough to fight her demons and return to us.”
Huh.
I think I like this girl.
“Is that why you’ve been calling your mother so often lately?”
He nods.
“I learned to let go. To see Mom as the best version of herself instead of that horrible version from when I was a kid.”
I pat his shoulder twice before releasing him. “I’m proud of you, son.”
“I’m not.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t like myself right now. I should be trying to get over her, but here I am being her advocate and thinking of ways to get her back.”
“If you want her back, do it. Or else you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
“What if it backfires again?”
“Talk to her and listen.Reallylisten, Jeremy. Not with your mind, but with your heart and your soul. Listen to her with parts of you that she helped heal. And if you still can’t trust her, so be it.”
He starts to take a sip of the vodka, then decides against it and leaves the bottle on the table. “I’ll do it when I’m sober.”
“I agree. And, Jeremy?”
“Yes?”
“The talk we just had about your mother will remain our secret. She can’t under any circumstances find out about it or she’ll feel horrible, and we don’t want that.”
“I wasn’t going to tell her.”
“Good.”
“Thank you, Dad.”
“What for?”
“Listening to me just now, but also for being there for both me and Mom all those years ago. Thank you for not giving up on her or me, no matter how hard it got.”
I smile. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat, Malysh.”