There’s a deep friendship between these men. I’d love to dip in more to their connection, to find out what makes them tick. To listen to their lives and offer advice, solace. I now see them as family, rather than strangers. But once all this is over with my mum and Patrick, I’m going to have to leave. The realisation dawns on me, and for a moment, my chest aches.
“Friendship turned family after that,” Cathal says. “Ma always called me her wee monster. It was a name I had lived up to. Raisin’ a youngen who was stubborn wasn’t easy for her. I was a feckin’ monster, but she loved me anyway.”
I can’t help but smile at that. “So the name stuck?”
“Aye, I quite like it. Not that I think of myself as bad,” he says with a shrug. “But it’s how other people see me. I don’t give a shite what someone says about me. I’ve always lived my life like that.”
“Life’s too fuckin’ short to care,” Rebel says. “If you live day in and day out worried about what some other bastard thinks of ye, you’ll never be happy.” His words sink in. “They call me a feckin’ Rebel. I’m proud of it. I don’t follow the rules. I colour outside the lines,” he tells me. “I love my life.”
Except for the fact that you’re in love with Callia and haven’t told her.I keep my thought to myself. I don’t want to get involved. I just hate seeing the girl fawn over him when he clearly isn’t ready to make a move. Maybe one day.
Everyone falls silent as we lie there in the dimly lit hangar. It’s silent when there aren’t any planes coming in. I use the quiet to calm my mind and breathe deeply. My eyes are closed as I lie there. A spark shoots through me when I feel Monster’s fingers reach for mine. It’s a gentle reassurance of his presence. I tangle my fingers with his. Even though we don’t say a word, it eases the ache in my chest. I force any emotion from my mind, from my heart, because this is going to be over soon, and I’m going to have to walk away from him.
We can’t be together. There’s no way this will work, because we each have different lives. Our paths may have crossed for this short time, but that’s all it was. Nothing more. And I can’t allow myself to feel anything; I need to focus on moving on. Instead of thinking about him, I think about my mum.
With every passing minute, and hour, the closer we get to the moment of retribution. Soon, we’ll see my mother as she returns to London. I don’t know what to expect, but whatever is coming, I have to be ready.
TWENTY
MONSTER
“Monster,”Rebel’s deep voice wakes me suddenly.
I didn’t think we’d ever get here, but as I push to my feet, I see the men rushing around. She’s coming. I glance around and find Miren staring at nothing. I want to ask her if she’s okay, but I’m still fighting my wants and desires.
“Is it time?” she asks instead, and I nod. “Okay.”
The girl who’s been so fuckin’ cheeky for so long, who’s fired me up more than anyone ever has, looks fragile. She looks as if she’s now broken.
“It’s goin’ ta all work out,” I tell her, but when she looks at me, when those usually sparkling eyes land on mine, I see the dull stormy grey that makes my chest ache.
I can’t fight this. I’ve tried. I want her. There’s no more denyin’ myself something good, something beautiful. I make a choice and go to her. Stopping right in front of her, I cup her face in my hands and hold her steady.
“I can’t do this,” she tells me in a pained whisper that seeps right through my hardened shell.
I nod. “Aye, ye can do anythin’ ye want,” I tell her confidently. “Where’s the girl who walked into my club and told me to stop being rude to her? That fire I saw in ye needs to come out now. Because I can’t lose ye.”
Her eyes widen in surprise. Shock is painted all over her face. If I had to be honest, I’m just as shocked. I didn’t expect to say those words to her. I didn’t even think about them before they came out of my mouth.
“It’s going to be okay.” My voice is filled with confidence, because I know no matter what happens, she’ll be safe.
“Monster, the plane is landing.” Rebel’s voice is tinged in excited energy.
The fecker loves to torture, he enjoys being out on a job. I can’t imagine what is runnin’ through his mind. There’s a chair with thick leather cuffs ready for Sinéad. She’ll be questioned here. I wanted to take her back to Belfast, but it’s too much hassle.
We have contacts in London who can do a clean-up if need be. And I’m pretty sure, they’ll be needed. I take Miren’s hand and lead her to where Rebel and Racer are hidden. We can’t attack before she’s disembarked, so we wait.
The moment it happens, we move. Miren is right behind me, and the men already have Sinéad in their clutches when she sees us. Her two guards are apprehended before they can draw their weapons.
“Miren?” Sinéad’s voice is filled with shock. She turns her glare on me, then Rebel, and finally Racer before she looks back at her daughter. I wonder if she’s about to beg for her life. “What have you done?”
“I have to say,” I start with a smirk. “I’m impressed at the way you’re able to change the accent. A Belfast accent doesn’t truly ever go away. Does it Sinéad? Or do I call you Mrs Bragan?” I release Miren for a moment and make my way to her mother.
“I don’t know what you’re—”
“I think yer daughter wants to have a word,” I tell her with a smile.
Stepping aside, I look at Miren who’s trembling. She’s nervous. Her hands are twisted as she regards the woman who raised her. I can’t imagine how it must feel to come face-to-face with yer mother knowing she lied to you yer whole life.