“I think there’s somethin’ wrong with ye.” Perhaps I shouldn’t trust her. Maybe she’s here because her mother sent her to us. Maybe it’s part of an elaborate plan, and I haven’t seen the bigger picture.
Miren laughs. “Why?”
I want to tell her my fears. It’s stupidity. I don’t know this girl. Aye, I’ve fucked her, but that doesn’t mean we’re on our way to walkin’ down the aisle. I can’t let my guard down. It felt good to finally be inside her, but that’s all it is.
Nothin’ more.
“Get yer stuff,” I tell her. “We’re leavin’ soon.”
I allow her to go to her room. And even as I pack my shite, I’m tense. Something doesn’t feel right. Everythin’ seems too easy. And Miren is too willin’ to backstab her ma and da on this.
NINETEEN
MIREN
I’m scared.
There isn’t anything I’ve ever backed down from before. Even when I was kidnapped and questioned by Patrick Bragan, I didn’t give in. I didn’t have anything to offer him, no answers, but I didn’t allow him to break me. There were moments I thought he would, but I fought back.
When Monster found out who I really was, I didn’t back down. I stood up and waited for death to come. It never did. And now I have a second chance at life. As I make my way down to the garage, I find the guys waiting on me. Monster is right, I really should stay here, but I must look her in the eye and ask her why she did what she did.
One night, she disappeared, but that was after a lifetime of secrets. My mother doesn’t even know if I’m alive or not, and she hasn’t tried to get in touch. It doesn’t matter what you’re going through, your children come first. If I ever had kin, I’d never allow any harm to come to them. They will always be under my protection.
I glance at Cathal as he gives the final orders to the men who are staying behind. I don’t listen, because I am too focused on what’s to come. This isn’t going to be easy by any means. And I know the moment I come face-to-face with her, I’m probably going to allow anger to take over.
Sully brings the van round, and we pile in. He’s staying behind but is tasked with driving us to the airport. The flight is short, and I know we’ll be there before Mum arrives. It gives me time to think about what I’m going to say.
There are too many things happening all at once. Earlier tonight, I had sex with Cathal. It was the most incredible sexual experience of my life. Not that I have much to go on, but the one guy I’ve been with never made me feel like Monster does. But, even though there were emotions involved, it doesn’t guarantee he’ll fall in love with me. I don’t even know if I can love him. We’re two completely different people from vastly different backgrounds.
Then again, they do say opposites attract. I don’t know what’s going to happen after this, which forces me to think about what we’re about to do. The future feels far away at this moment, and if I were to focus on it, I may not be able to find a way to get the answers I want from my mother.
Sinéad is her real name. Even though I grew up with her, spent every single day with her, I never knew that. All the documents I got to read from Tye were a rude awakening; it was like reading about someone else. A stranger. It’s who she is to me now. As much as I loved the woman who raised me, I don’t know who she really is.
“Hey,” Cathal says. “It’s goin’ ta be grand.”
I nod. “I know. I’m just trying to think of things I want to ask her. It feels as if I’ve grown up with a stranger. My mother isn’t the woman I thought she was. She’s a criminal mastermind.” A shudder of revulsion courses through me at the thought. Having one of your parents be a criminal is one thing, but for both to be dangerous is different.
“I understand.”
“It’s a chance now to ask her, to find out about her,” Rebel tells me. “Ask her all the things that are running through yer head right now. It’s easier, and best to be open, honest. Once you do that, you can hopefully move on sooner.”
It’s the first time since I came here that he’s spoken more than a few words to me, and I offer him a smile. “Thank you.” All three men stare at me for a long, silent moment. I don’t know what else to say to them, because I don’t even know what I want to say. There are no words.
So, we sit in silence until we reach the airstrip. We exit the vehicle and make our way to the plane. Inside, I sit next to Monster who’s already got a drink in his hand. I watch as he sips the strong smelling, amber liquid. It’s the same as it’s always been with him, I can’t stop staring. He’s breathtakingly gorgeous. Having him beside me has a calming effect, but I know it won’t last long.
I lean back and close my eyes as we take off, and I recall the trips Mum took me on. We flew all over the world. There wasn’t a city we didn’t enjoy visiting. When she worked, I was studying. But our free time was always spent together. She made sure I was happy. Granted, she bought me things I wanted, but I wasn’t spoiled. I would do chores around the house for the items, and I earned my way.
“What are you thinkin’?” Cathal asks me as he leans closer so the others don’t hear.
I turn to look at him and smile. “Just thinking about trips I took as a child. Growing up, I went to most cities in Europe, and we went to New Zealand and Australia a few times.”
“Ever been to the States?”
“Yeah,” I answer with a nod. “A couple of times. But my mother focused mainly on Europe.” It’s baffling to think all those times she was running a criminal organisation. She was the head of the mob, not just some foot soldier. The thought of it makes me shiver.
“Cold?”
“No.” I shake my head. Instead of torturing myself with memories, I close my eyes and try to get some sleep. Soon enough, we’ll be in London, and everything that’s happened over the past few weeks is going to come to a head. And I have to be ready.