The look he gives me tells me that he’ll be in worse shite if he leaves me here alone. “Just get some sleep.”
And with that, he pulls the door closed, and I’m left alone. My arm still throbs from the pain, and my head starts hurting with a dull ache that I know won’t go away with painkillers. It’s guilt. It weighs on me.
The people here have been so welcoming, but I wonder what they’ll do if they ever found out who I really am. As exhaustion takes a hold of me, I strip down to my underwear and slide under the covers. I’m too tired to do anything other than allow sleep to steal me.
I just have to get by until I can leave.
And it’s with that thought my lashes flutter closed.
TEN
MONSTER
I watchher in the garden. She walks amongst the hedges Da had always kept in good condition. Her fingertips trail along the leaves, makin’ them dance. When I first saw her, I was mesmerised by her beauty. I wanted to learn who this wee beauty was. My chest tightened when I thought about her in trouble, in danger. The need to protect took over and held me in a feckin’ tight fits. But I pushed them away—those feelin’s. I didn’t need to be distracted when I had my focus.
I should have sent her packin’. But feckin’ Donahue looked at me and asked straight to my feckin’ face. Granted, I would have agreed because he’s been good to me. For years I’d been broken. There was heartache that ran deep into my soul. And he knew it. He watched it happen as he laid Da to rest. And then, not too long after, he had to watch over Ma’s funeral. He spoke of her with fondness, which I can never forget. Everyone who met my mother loved her.
Which brings my attention back to Miren. She’s stopped to talk to a couple of the kids the old ladies brought to spend the day here while they work. She drops to a crouch, whispering in their ears secrets I’m not privy to. They giggle and nod at whatever she’s told them, and I find myself jealous of their interaction.
I’ve pushed her away. I’ve made sure she knows she’s not welcome here. But each time she’s close by, in the same room, I can’t help but look. Stare at her. There is a delicate beauty to her, but there’s also a secret. Somethin’ she’s hidin’.
“You stalking the new girl?” Rebel says as he walks up behind me.
The bastard is far too pretty to be a biker. And I’ve told him that. Time and again. We’ve known each other for years, since I knocked him out in a pub one night. Arsehole was hittin’ on a girl I wanted, so we did the manly thing and fought over her. I won of course. And that’s when I knew we’d be friends forever.
It wasn’t about the girl in the end. We became fast friends. All the men here, all my brothers are men I would die for. Rebel being my VP. Racer who’s the youngest Road Captain the club has had. Banks, who handles our money, and Hadrian, also known as Rev, our Chaplain. Our Enforcer, Brute, is a dangerous motherfecker, and Sully who comes and goes because he’s always out doing clean-up. Tye is the newest member, but he’s patched, and I’m proud to have him in the family. He’s our Tech, and he’s feckin’ good at what he does. Those are my men, and I would be lost without them.
“She’s hidin’,” I tell Rebel. “I don’t like when I see secrets in someone’s eyes.”
“Aye? You’ve been staring into her eyes, have ye?” He nudges me with his shoulder, and I’m tempted to knock him the feck out again. Wouldn’t be the first time, and I doubt it will be the last. I glare at him, my mouth tight with frustration. “Feck off,” he throws out. “I know what you’re like. I can tell when someone’s got to ye.”
“She’s not got to me in any way, Rebel,” I tell him. “When there’s a stranger in our home, I must be vigilant. I let down my guard, and shite hits the fan.” There was only one person, a long time ago, I allowed in. And it ended badly. Not even a month into our connection, I would never call it a relationship, I found her with someone else. Not just anyone, but the president of a rival club.
“Not everyone is out to hurt you,” Rebel informs me, his tone soft, gentle, as if he’s talking to a child who’s angry, throwing a tantrum. I look over at him and arch a brow. “I’m serious. I’m not saying you should trust her right off the mark, but ye can’t live yer life alone.”
“Aye, I can. You’re just telling me this because she’s a pretty wee thing. A fox, cunning, wily.”
“There you go.” Rebel shakes his head as he turns to leave. “Now why don’t ye go catch a fox and tame it.”
I listen to his boots walk off down the hallway, and I decide to follow the wee fox. Her dark hair has one lock of deep red that’s only visible when the sun is shining on it.
When I reach the garden, I stop beside her. “Lovely day.” Inwardly, I cringe at the awkward shite people talk about.
“It’s nice. I didn’t expect a garden like this so close to a large city. London is so different,” she tells me. “I’m guessing the centre of the city isn’t far from here?” Those eyes, those feckin’ eyes look right into me as if she’s trying to find a path to my soul. I wonder what she’d do if she found it.
“Aye, it’s about fifteen minutes up the road,” I tell her.
I haven’t been out there in a while. Maybe she wants to go shopping with the girls. I should get Racer to take Callia and Miren into town. They can buy whatever they need. One of the men will have to accompany them. I don’t need Miren runnin’ off.
“I’d like to go sometime. Maybe you could take me?” she offers with hope shining in those blue-grey eyes. They change colour as the sun is hidden by the clouds that have blown over. I can’t spend more time with her. I’m already too feckin’ fascinated by the girl.
“I’ll get one of the brothers to take ye and Callia,” I tell her.
Turning, I go to walk away from her, needing to put space between us. But her hand lands on my arm.
“I understand you don’t like me,” she says then, and I want nothing more than to argue that fact. It’s the complete opposite, but she can’t know how I feel. My need to be close to her, to protect her has taken over, and I don’t know what the feck to do about it.
“What makes ye think I don’t like ye?”