I can’t fight him on it because I know it’s true. They will find me. My father’s men were experts at their jobs. And now he’s gone, I’m nothing to them. I have insider knowledge about who they are and what they’ve done for him. I’m a threat.
“Well, I can’t stay here. I’m not…I’m not part of your club.”
“The lassies who come here need protection. We offer that.” He drops the smoke and crushes it with his heavy, black boot. The gravel crunches underfoot with the movement, and then Monster glances up at me. “I don’t trust anyone I don’t know. But I won’t let a weecailínout in the world, knowing she could be hurt.”
I don’t know why his words send warmth through me, but they do. I’ve always been hidden away from others. I was raised in a world without men like him—dangerous, rugged, and ultimately handsome. No guys were allowed near me, not until Mum finally acquiesced and first permitted me to date a year ago.
“Trust should be earned,” I tell him, tipping my chin up. “I know you don’t know me, and I don’t expect you to trust me, which is why I thought leaving would be easier than having you put up with some stranger in your home.”
Monster stares at me for a long while, and for a moment, I wonder if he can see more of my father in my eyes.
Does he recognise the cold, calculated stare Patrick had?
He finally nods. “You’ll stay.”
He doesn’t leave it open to debate because he steps back and turns on his heel, leaving me in the darkness. I watch him walk back into the bar, and for a moment, I miss him. Just a second of need courses through me. I’ve never truly wanted someone to be near me. But with him, I wasn’t at all scared. The fear of him hurting me wasn’t there. It was the anxiety of him finding out who I am and sending me away that frightened me.
Even though I’ve made the decision to leave, I glance back at the clubhouse, and I wonder what it would be like to be wanted, needed, to be cared for, rather than to be treated like a second thought.
“Hey, precious,” a deep voice comes from the shadows. All I can see is the cherry of the smoke from whoever it is. “Monster seems to be intrigued by you.” When the stranger steps out of the darkness, I take him in.
He’s tall, with slightly long black hair that hits his shoulders. His tanned skin is evidence he spends a lot of time outside. Almost sun-kissed, even up here in the North. But it’s his eyes that steal my breath. They’re golden, almost as if they’re shimmering in the darkness.
“Who are you?” I turn to regard him.
Crossing my arms, I hug myself, hoping I can hold myself together as this man assesses me.
He drops the smoke and kills it with his boot before he says, “I’m the Rev.” His voice is deep, a drawl of North Irish accent along with the huskiness of a smoker. “Name’s Hadrian, but everyone calls me Rev or Reverend.”
“So you’re like the priest of the club?” I don’t know how the monikers work, if they’re meaningful to what the men do, or if it’s just because they felt the need for them.
Hadrian chuckles. “Aye,” he answers me. “You could come to me and pray. I quite like a pretty girl on her knees asking for repentance.” He steps towards me, but he doesn’t reach for me. His hands remain at his sides. There’s no doubt about what he means. And it’s no saintly act.
“I don’t believe in God,” I tell him.
This intrigues him because his head tips to the side, and his eyes narrow as he watches me. “Why’s that?”
“He’s never been there for me,” I admit as I recall the times I prayed for answers about who my father was. I wanted a family, like my friends had, but I never got it. The answers I would seek never came.
“Doors close on us all the time, precious,” he tells me. “It ain’t because he’s not answerin’. It’s because it wasn’t meant for you.”
“What you’re telling me is that I wasn’t meant to have a father?” I throw back in anger.
The idea of my father leaving before I even got a chance to know him still hurts. It’s as if Hadrian has kicked me in the gut.
“I ain’t sayin’ that, precious. What people do to you is their choice. But how you react to it, that’s on you. You can look at yer da leavin’ as a bad thing, but would you be as strong and feisty if he didn’t leave?”
I’ve spent my life angry at my mother, at my non-existent father, and the family I never had. I blamed Mum for walking out on my father, and I didn’t know the reasons why she did it, because she never trusted me enough to tell me.
But, in the end, I’m an adult now, and I should let go of the sad, heartbroken girl. I doubt I could ever find it in my heart to forgive either of them for what they did to me. But Hadrian is right, I could choose to look at it in a positive light. I learned what not to do one day if I ever have children of my own.
“Thank you,” I tell him.
He offers me a smile, and I’m surprised at how young he looks when he does. “That’s what I’m here for, precious.”
“What did you mean earlier when you said Monster is intrigued by me?”
He shakes his head slowly, lowering his gaze to the ground between us. “I ain’t seen him in such a mood in a long time. You’ve come in here and fecked with his plans. He’s not someone who gets attached, so when he tells all the brothers to steer clear of you, I know something is up.”