My house was always tidy, which was just how I liked it. As I got older, I was more picky about my space. Seeing Diesel in my white-washed space, with its delicate furniture and feminine pastel colors, felt both wrong and intriguing.
“What do you want to talk about?” I trailed after him to the kitchen. He was at the sink, making himself right at home.
“Take your jacket off.”
“Why?” I asked, suspiciously.
“So I can clean your wrists. Who knows what kind of dirt got in there,” he muttered. I relented and lost the jacket, then sat at the white, shiny kitchen table. Diesel brought over a bowl of warm water and the first aid kit from below the sink. When he kicked out a chair, it looked like it was going to break.
“Hey, be careful with my furniture.”
“It’s not my fault your furniture looks like it belongs in a doll’s house,” he said dismissively. I rolled my eyes and reached for the first aid kit.
“I’m doing it. Hold your wrists out,” he said in a tight voice. “You won’t be able to reach well.”
Well, he had a point there.
Silence fell between us as he cleaned the friction burn that surrounded my wrists, and I did my best not to whimper. I was a bit of a wimp with pain, but I never let that stop me.
“Why do you want to be out in the field?” Diesel suddenly asked me.
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. Tell me,” he pushed.
“Fine. It’s more exciting,” I admitted.
“It’s exciting to get locked in some asshole’s trunk, along with a dead racoon?”
“More than sitting at my laptop all day, and then coming here at night to do that same.” This conversation was making me feel vulnerable, exposed.
He studied me for a long moment. “How was your date the other night?”
“You knew I had a date?”
Diesel turned his attention to spreading a thin layer of antibacterial cream along the cuts. “I always know when you have a date.”
Ok then. “It was fine, you know. The usual, or it had been fine, until you called in that urgent data request, and I had to drop everything and rush to the office.” I wasn’t really mad about it. Another date that was a bust. I’d never had trouble getting dates, but getting past the first few? It was like I was cursed. Nothing ever lasted, and the weirdest part was how apathetic I felt about it. The truth was the urge to settle down was more related to wanting to start a family than meeting ‘the one’. If I had a baby, I’d be more than happy to raise it alone, with the help of my Sigma Squad family.With Diesel, you mean.
“I wish I could say I was sorry, but I’m not. That guy looked like an idiot,” Diesel muttered, making my heart flutter in my chest.
“Who am I supposed to date, then?” I asked, the question not intended to be accusing, but when his eyes connected with mine, it sounded like it.
Diesel wet his lips, and his eyes slid over my face in a way that made me feel beautiful for a second. “Don’t bother. I don’t,” he said finally.
“We aren’t all robots. Some people want love in their lives.”
“You have love in your life, Emily, and you always will,” Diesel muttered, wrapping a soft bandage around my wrist. My heart squeezed now, getting quite the workout.
“I want more. I want a baby,” I confessed. It rushed out before I could really consider it. “I want to be a mom. That’s the love I want.”
Diesel froze at those words. His eyes lifted to mine, and something dark and warm and utterly magnetic moved through them. “Are you telling me you’re dating these randoms with the view of having a baby with someone?”
I let out a laugh at his incredulous tone. “Why else is someone looking for love and dating?” I pushed away from the table and stood. This conversation felt like it was getting far too personal and I couldn’t take it. I had shared nothing so personal with Diesel since the first night I’d seen him after his long tour in the Marines. I’d never forget that night, and the way it had gutted my heart and left it to bleed out on the ground.
I felt him behind me before he spoke. “Sweet cheeks,” he started, pissing me off.
I whirled around and jabbed a finger into his chest. “Don’t call me that right after what I just told you. Be serious for once.”