I didn’t know what to say. This was Diesel, raw and vulnerable, and I didn’t think he needed me to speak but to listen.
“I wasn’t going anywhere before Bennet took me in. I’d have ended up like my father.” He blew out a long breath. “First, you were too young.”
“There’s only two years between us.”
“Yeah, but two years at that age… it would have made me even more of a dick in Bennet’s eyes, not to mention your father.”
I rolled my eyes at that, but nodded for him to continue.
He swallowed, considering his words. “Then there was college. I was on so many scholarships, I couldn’t go to the bathroom without permission, never mind to a date. Some coaches have funny ideas about their star athletes getting distracted about girlfriends. Then, I was gone, and that felt like forever.”
“Tell me about it,” I agreed. “And when you came back?”
“You’d moved on, or so I told myself. But I hadn’t. I didn’t. The last few years, I was scared,” he said, suddenly shifting his eyes from my foot to me. “I let both of us be unhappy for so long, because I was scared of losing you and Bennet, the only real family I’ve ever had. It doesn’t excuse the time I cost us both, but I’m sorry.”
I couldn’t lie here any longer and listen to those terribly sad words. In the end, he had cost us years, but I hadn’t been unhappy all the time. Hell, I’d had no idea that he’d wanted me as much as I’d wanted him for the vast majority of the time. I’d simply thought I’d had a raging crush I’d never get over and comforted myself with knowing that Diesel was the man I could always love and care about from afar.
“What changed?” I wondered, taking my foot from his hands, and shifted through the perfumed water. I lowered myself so my bare body was on top of his, using my arms to hold me up.
“You. You said you wanted a family. That you were unhappy, and it was as if everything was suddenly illuminated. You woke me up, Emily, you reminded me that time is never on our side. You made me brave. While we’re talking about regrets, I’m sorry I didn’t keep your letters. I think about them all the time.”
I figured now wasn’t the right time to tell him I’d kept them. That could be a nice surprise for another day.
“Everything was so dark then; I only had Bennet to lean on. The thought of you at home, hell, it made me want to quit and run away, to be honest. It was too tempting. So, I detached my brain from my body and became a zombie for nearly a decade.”
“I forgive you, you know. It’s not like I was sitting crying every day. I still went out and lived. I dated and cursed your name when I was wasted and doing karaoke with my friends.”
“Of course you did, minx,” he growled at me, and pulled me up so my legs fell on either side of his hips, brushing against his hard-on, straining up his belly. He lapped at my soft nipple, and that made me shiver.
“What did you do?” I wondered, letting my head fall back and rolled against him.
“Me? I just missed you. Every. Single. Day,” he muttered, letting my breast pop from his mouth as his hands lifted me over him and positioned me on the tip of his arousal. “I’m telling Bennet tomorrow.”
“Really?”
“Really, I can’t wait any longer. I want everyone to know. I want to hold your hand and kiss you in public. Most of all, I want to see your belly round with our kid and my ring on your finger.”
I laughed, thrilled and horrified at the same time. “That’s pretty caveman-ish of you.”
“You have no idea about the primitive, possessive, obsessive thoughts I have when it comes to you, Emily.” He punctuated every word with a lurid thrust of his hips, nudging deeper and deeper into me. “And after tomorrow, everyone will know.”
I raised an eyebrow at him, spellbound by this chance to finally talk emotions with a man who was usually pretty taciturn about the subject.
“About the possessive, primitive thoughts?”
“That you, Emily Archer, love of my fucking life, are mine.”
Chapter
Diesel
Next day,I hit the office with a gaunt to my step. Yes, I was apprehensive to speak to Bennet, but now, I’d finally made my move. There was no going back. I got it now. Once you commit to something, the fear goes away. It would be a relief, even if he were to beat me to hell for it.
Inside the shiny, comfortable offices of Sigma Squad Bail Bonds, I could see Laura talking to Bennet in the kitchen, and Troy was sitting at his laptop. He saluted me when I came in.
“Morning. How was the rest of the part last night?”
A sudden slap landed on my shoulder. “It was great. You shouldn’t have missed it,” Hunter spoke behind me. Another long-term employee at the company, he was the opposite of Troy. Where Troy was quiet and introspective, Hunter was always the life and soul of the party.