“Exercising,” he pointed out lazily.
“What are you doing telling Bennet that I need a babysitter? I’m not a kid,” I ground out.
Something dark and feral moved through Diesel’s eyes. “No, you just want one with a fucking stranger.”
“Everyone you date is a stranger until you date them, genius. I seriously can’t with you anymore.” I turned to go the stairs, feeling too vulnerable now that I’d confessed my baby wishes to him yesterday.
“Emily, stop.” Diesel was at my side in a heartbeat. I looked up at him, surprised to see a serious expression on his face for once. “Please, let me train you.”
“Are you going to tell my brother what I told you next?”
He shook his head. “No, of course not. That was private, just between us.”
“Well, I’m glad to know there’s something that the great, almighty Bennet doesn’t need to know.” I was being difficult but was passed caring. It was because of Bennet that Diesel had rejected me so hard and maintained it for long that I’d given up hope on him. I might still be a little bitter about it.
Diesel cursed quietly and shifted forward, so he was even closer. He smelled like sweat and the scent that had always just been him. It was comforting on a soul-deep level, and I tried not to be too obvious about breathing it in.
“Let me show you some basic self-defense moves. It’s not safe to go after people that we do without knowing that much, and you should get your gun license too.”
I wrinkled my nose. Sure, the rest of the bond agents carried because they were ex-military and comfortable with it. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get there, but the thought of learning wasn’t horrible.
“Fine, you can take me to the range. Happy?”
A look of genuine happiness flashed across Diesel’s face. “Fucking ecstatic. It’s a good start.”
“Take what you can get and don’t push it.”
“Right, wait for me and I’ll be ready in a minute.”
CHAPTER10
Diesel
I’d never showered so quickly. There was the genuine possibility that Emily would just leave, so I hustled like never before. Electric excitement surged through my veins. I felt like I’d been asleep for months, no, longer than months, for years, and was only now waking up.
The past had weighed heavily on me all night as I’d tossed and turned. Sleep evaded me. Active duty had broken something in me, the part of me that had thought I deserved good things or happy endings. Why should I be happy and have the woman I loved when other people suffered like they did? And Bennet. The man had saved me countless times. I could never turn around and hurt him by telling him I’d loved his sister, perhaps my entire life, and there was nothing brotherly about it. It hurt to think he’d go over old memories and see them differently. Maybe he’d even question why I was always there, looking out for him and Emily. After we’d returned to civilian life and everything we’d endured, I couldn’t handle the thought. It was hard enough to remember how to be normal and live without a gun in my hand, and someone else’s blood on my face. I didn’t manage it for a long time. Years. When I’d slowly found my way back to normality, I’d known that Emily would never forgive me for pushing her away. I’d hurt her so badly, she’d never be able to forget. I’d been broken, so I’d broken her too, and now she stayed away. She didn’t flirt with me, or look at me really, if she could help it. She dated, moved forward with her life, and I was left stuck in time, frozen in carbonite, loving her from afar, and knowing it was too late for me.
Suffice to say, those kinds of thoughts didn’t make for a good night’s sleep.
I drove us to the gun range, and she was quiet all the way over. Quiet and Emily didn’t go together, so I knew something was up.
Inside, I handed her safety glasses and ear coverings and we walked along the empty rows of stalls. It was quiet in the place, and I enjoyed being there alone with her.
“Ok, give it to me. What do I do?”
I immersed myself in teaching her the best I could. If anything, at least knowing that she was armed might help my anxiety about her being tracking down skips on her own. I’d already spoken to Laura about making sure that Emily only got the most harmless and least desperate clients to trace, like grandmothers with mobility scooter violations, or the lady whose neighbors had reported her to the police for having too many cats in a residential home. Emily would hate my interference, but I was past caring about that. She hated a lot of things about me. What was one more?
“Ok, your turn,” I told her, stepping back to watch her. She followed my guidance seamlessly. Emily was a smart cookie, far smarter than me, and I enjoyed watching how her fascinating brain worked. She copied me perfectly and then brought her hands up to shoot her first shot. The sound was deadened by the ear protection, but she still jumped, and the recoil gave her a fright.
“This gun isn’t right for you. The recoil is too hard. We’ll get you another one, slimmer and lighter. It’ll be easier.”
She sighed, rotating her shoulder. “You know, I’m never going to shoot someone, right?”
“You will, if the moment is right, and anyway, even an unloaded gun or one with the safety on could scare the right person at the right moment. You’ll get good at judging that moment. Try again, just to practice aiming,” I urged. I didn’t want to be done already. Being here alone and her listening without argument with me was nice.
“Fine,” she muttered, and brought the gun up. I noticed a problem with her stance. “You need to set your feet more firmly. Here, let me show you,” I muttered, stepped behind her.
Emily tensed beneath my touch. “Is this where you press up against me in the name of teaching me something?” Her tone wasn’t accusatory, despite her question.