“I don’t know. Over the course of the eighteen months, maybe a dozen? The last time, it rained, and the temperature dropped so suddenly that I almost died from exposure and was useless to them for a couple of weeks. They stopped after that.”
But by then, the damage had been done.
“I can only remember pieces of those nights. I remember screaming one night until my voice was gone. I remember one night when ants got on me and I couldn’t get them off. And one night seeing a snake and thinking I would die. And those wolves. Or maybe those weren’t all separate occurrences. I honestly don’t know.”
All she really knew was that the outdoors held all the things she was afraid of.
“Every time I step outside, I shut down and I’m right back there.” She closed her eyes. “You were right. I’m not an introvert, I just let people think that. It’s easier than explaining what a basket case I am.”
Mark turned to her, hands coming up around her face. “Basket case?” He took a shaky breath, and she felt the tremor in his hands—the anger on her behalf. “Jenna, most people wouldn’t be doing half as well as you are. The very fact that you can function at all is a miracle.”
She shrugged. “It doesn’t feel like much of a miracle.”
“God, you’re so fucking brave. I’m not sure I would be able to get out of bed in the morning.”
“I don’t feel like I’m doing well,” she said, tears flooding her eyes and making him blurry. “I’m regressing. I was doing better, but then ever since that incident with Theodore Wilson, I can’t even be outside for a full minute without throwing up. You saw me that day, balled up on the floor.”
She tried to look away from him, but he tilted her face so she had nowhere else to look. “Theodore Wilson is an asshole of the biggest proportions, and if I had him here right now, I’d beat the shit out of him. He barged into your personal space and threatened to drag you out. Your reaction was understandable.”
“I can’t really even remember what happened afterward.”
He kissed her forehead. “We got you calmed down, and I put you to bed. I stayed with you to make sure you were okay.”
She couldn’t look away from his intense green eyes. “I never said thank you for that either. I know you were in the middle of a big mission and probably didn’t have time to waste with me being a basket case.”
She couldn’t look away from his intense green eyes. “You are never a waste of time for me. And as for a basket case, even without knowing what you just told me, I’ve never thought less of you. Not for one second.”
She closed her eyes, and a tear spilled over. Mark gently brushed it away.
“I’m not going to push, but you have friends—people who are family in every way but blood—who would think nothing less of you either if you told them the details of your captivity.”
“I know. But I’m not ready. Everyone was so happy to find out I hadn’t been sexually traumatized. I don’t want to let them know what I went through feels just as bad as I imagine that would have.”
“That’s because it was such a violation. You have the right to feel that way.”
She’d never thought of it that way, but it made sense. “Thank you.”
“I’d very much like to kiss you right now. I know we need to take it slow, and maybe this isn’t the right—”
Jenna was the one to close the distance, desperate to be closer to him. When he’d kissed her in the gym, she’d been coming down out of her panic from thinking she’d hurt him, and still, it was incredible.
Now, she wasn’t panicking, and this kiss…
It was safety and heat all at once. He tasted like the coffee they’d drunk that morning, and the way he moved had her wishing they were back at her house where they could do more than kiss.
He pulled her closer, like a man who knew exactly what he wanted.
And what he wanted was Jenna.
She felt small next to him but not vulnerable. All she wanted was to move closer. Except for a few brief hugs from her friends a few days ago, Mark was the only one who had touched her in months.
He was the one she thought about when she allowed herself to dream of having some kind of normal life. He was the one she thought about when she was afraid and needed to focus on regaining her calm.
Her fingers gripped his shirt, pulling him closer. She wasn’t even sure if she was in control of her body doing it, and she didn’t care. As long as he didn’t stop making her feel like this.
He moved up the seat divider, and then his strong arm came around her, moving them so they lay across the seats, his body over hers in a way that was probably wholly inappropriate for the plane. But Jenna didn’t care. She couldn’t remember feeling so completely and entirely safe outside of her house.
Mark ran his hands down her body, guiding her legs apart so he could lie between them. But he didn’t seem to be going further than that. Moving his mouth to her neck, he left a trail of kisses there. “It’s unfortunate there are other people on this plane,” he murmured into her skin. “Though I know if there weren’t, we wouldn’t be taking this as slow as we should.”