I accept the piece of paper, looking over what I need to say. “Fine.”
I’m not scared of public speaking. I’ve got two teenage girls at home. You don’t know a hostile environment until you’re trying to break up a fight between those two.
“You’re the best, Austin.” Fay squeezes my forearm then walks down the hall.
My footsteps slow as I read over the new principal’s bio. What the hell is a Yale graduate doing in Alaska at Lake Starlight High School? After skimming over her education, I fold up the paper. I can wing it from there. Besides the kids couldn’t care less about what’s printed on that sheet.
Heading into the auditorium, I search out the face of our new principal, but I know everyone here.
“Her meeting with the superintendent is running a tad late, so if you could stall, I’ll tap you on the shoulder when it’s safe to announce her,” Fay informs me.
“I’m not a zoo keeper.”
Fay laughs.
I will not miss this part of my job next year.
Before I realize it, I’m in front of the podium, clearing my throat and introducing myself, as if everyone here doesn’t already know who I am. Sedona rolls her eyes and looks away. I have no fucking clue why she’s so embarrassed of me. I mean, look at me. Six foot two, two-ten, short, neat haircut. I work out four times a week, hike, bike, ski. My muscles aren’t from just the gym…
Okay, before I keep sounding like a male-seeking-female want ad, let’s get on with how my day went into the shitter in a matter of twenty minutes.
I tell a few jokes, and the kids loosen up a bit. Maybe I should rethink the whole college baseball coach thing and go for stand-up comedy. I’m pretty good at this.
Fay taps my shoulder, and thank God, because I’m running out of material.
I pull the paper out of my back pocket and clear my throat one more time. “All right, everyone. We all know that Principal Miller has left us to enjoy her new baby, so we’re welcoming a new principal into our school. Our new principal for the remainder of the year is Dr. Radcliffe. She graduated from Yale with her doctorate in education. She comes here from the lower forty-eight, so make sure you give a big Alaskan welcome!”
About half the kids in the auditorium clap while the rest of them stare at the stage with an expression that only a bunch of unimpressed and uninterested teenagers can manage.
Time to grab their interest and get them to buy in. “Principal Radcliffe’s hobbies include streaking during football games, ferret racing, and taking surveys for money.”
The kids roar with laughter, finally looking as if they’re interested and want to be here. Fay steps up and nudges me.
“Sorry,” I mumble. “We’ll bring Dr. Radcliffe out to explain her hobbies in more depth.” I turn from the podium at the sound of heels clicking across the stage.
This is the part where my mouth drops open and my testicles jerk up, seeking protection.
See the auburn-haired woman walking right toward me? The one who looks as pissed off as Sedona did when I honked my horn in the parking lot this morning?
Yeah, that’s my new boss.
The new principal of Lake Starlight High School.
I don’t believe in kissing and telling, but I’ll tell you—this is the first and only principal I’ve ever given an orgasm to in the backseat of my Jeep.