She shakes her head. “Nope. It was a pull-out couch or a bed, and since I rarely have anyone here, I opted for the bed. Figured a comfortable sleep was more important than comfortable TV viewing.”
“What are you watching?”
She gives me a duh look. “A Christmas movie of course.”
I smile. “Right. Should’ve guessed.”
“Well, will you stay?”
She sounds oddly vulnerable, and I nod even though I know once I’m sitting next to her on a bed, it’ll be a struggle to back up the words I just said. My cock is sure to have other things on the agenda besides viewing a holiday movie.
We situate ourselves on the bed, both of us leaning against the headboard, my arm wrapped around Kenzie and her leaning into my chest. Something about it feels so right to me, and of course that spurs a panic because it’s still a struggle to trust my own judgment when it comes to love and relationships. Which is probably why I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone since Audrey and I split.
I do my best to push the thoughts of my past from my mind, not wanting to ruin this moment or chance with Kenzie. In a lot of ways, cuddling with her like this without her knowing all the doubts that are swirling through my brain feels disingenuous.
After about twenty minutes, I’m able to get out of my head and enjoy the movie, even if I wish it were an action flick and not a Hallmark movie.
Kenzie and I meet down the street from Saks Fifth Avenue. We plan to watch the light show on the outside of the building, then take a walk to see some of the Christmas windows the high-end department stores have put together. This is her third and final attempt to show me what I’m missing about Christmas.
I spot Kenzie rushing toward me through the crowd. She has on a grey coat with an ivory hat and matching scarf and gloves. “I’m so sorry I’m late.”
I glance at my watch. “You’re a minute late. Nothing to worry about.”
She places a quick kiss on my lips. “You know I hate being late.”
All I can do is nod. I know most of that comes from her relationship with her parents and always feeling like an afterthought. There’s nothing I can do to change that, but I can be the person who shows her that she isn’t at all an afterthought. In fact, I feel as though she’s all I can think about these days.
“I know. You ready to do this?”
She nods enthusiastically then takes my hand and we walk down the street. After a few steps, I realize how much I’ve missed feeling like one half of a whole. Missed the things you do with someone you care about without thinking about it—the kiss on the lips when you first see them again, the handholding, the texts throughout the day just checking in.
“How was work today?” she asks.
“The usual. Darla is completely inept, and I had to pick up the slack.”
She chuckles and squeezes my hand.
“How about you? How’s that party you’re working on going? The one with the Santa visit for all the kids.” I look over and see that she’s smiling.
“It’s going well. That family is so great to work for. Things are really coming together.”
“That’s great.” We walk in silence for a bit, but it’s comfortable and not at all awkward, until we reach the crowd that’s gathered outside Saks.
“Have you ever watched the show before?” she asks once we find a good spot to watch before it starts up again.
I shake my head. “I mean, I’ve ridden past in a cab before but never really paid it much attention. If I’m honest, I think I probably thought, ‘What are these people doing here wasting their time watching a bunch of lights?’” I cringe.
Kenzie’s laugh rings out in the crisp night air and it sounds musical. “Well, you’re about to find out.”
No sooner has she finished speaking than the first note rings out. Different parts of the exterior of the building light up with the different notes until it becomes clear the lights form the shape of a castle with icicles dangling overtop. The lights change color and move with the beat of the music. It keeps building and building until the music crescendos and there’s a big finale, after which the crowd cheers and claps their approval.
Once a lot of the crowd has departed, Kenzie turns to me. “So, what did you think?”
“It’s quite impressive.” She frowns, and I chuckle. “What? I said it was impressive.”
She places her hand over my heart. “Didn’t it give you that warm, hopeful feeling inside like everything is possible and everything will be all right?”
Damn it. The way she’s looking at me with such hope in her eyes makes me wish I could tell her it did. But I don’t want to lie to her.