″I’m working on a plan.”
I sigh into his beard, my fingers scratching it. “I wish it were that easy.”
″If he were dead, would it help?”
″If he dies painfully and the entire world knew who he was? Yes, I think so.”
Callum’s hands run through my hair and sighs heavily, his chest moving my entire body with each inhale and exhale.
I yawn, still scratching his scruff.
″I want you to be happy,” Callum says. “I’ll do whatever it takes to fix it. Do you understand?”
″I understand. And I want to believe you, but it’s hard.”
″I know it is, baby. I know.”
″Can we try again?” I ask, lifting my head up.
His brows scrunch as he tilts his head. “What’s the rush?”
″The other day was the first time that I’ve ever been able to have an orgasm without feeling like my body didn’t belong to me. Before that, I’d try to come, and it always made me feel so gross and disgusting.
″So with that said, I don’t—well, I didn’t think that I would be able to have sex. I’m still not ready yet, but I was wondering if maybe we could try something else. Like, maybe we could watch each other without touching? Or with some kissing?”
His jaw clenches as he processes my words. “You want to masturbate in front of each other?”
″Is it any different from when I was just grinding on you like a cat in heat?”
He chuckles, lowering his head. “I suppose not.”
″I want to—” I pause, lowering my hand between us and I stroke his dick through his suit. “I want to watch you.”
He pauses a moment, and I catch the flicker in his eyes when he finally agrees. He tilts his head in agreement, and I smile, kissing him quickly.
″Upstairs?” I ask. “In my shower?”
″Sure.”
Climbing off his lap, I thread our fingers together and he follows me up the stairs. Butterflies assault my stomach. We reach the master bathroom quickly and I turn on the water.
He’s going to be the first man to see me naked. Jason doesn’t count. Jason isn’t here. Callum is going to be the first man I shower with.
I bite my lip as I grab us some towels to hang on the hook for easy access. His hands running through my hair while I kick off my shorts.
″Are you sure you want to do this?” He asks, pressing his lips to the back of my neck.
″I’m sure.” Nodding eagerly, I pull my top off as he undresses too.
I step into the shower, turned from him so he can’t see anything, and leave space in the stall for him.
I hear him climb in behind me, and he wraps his arms around my stomach, pulling our bodies tightly together. Hard muscles press against my back, and his tattooed arms wrap around my belly.
″We should have a word. Something that you can say if it gets too uncomfortable for you.”
″How about Irish?”
He chuckles. “Sure. You say Irish and I’ll stop, or leave the shower, or whatever you need.”