She doesn’t. She belongs with me, the real me. With a cop. But I can’t admit that. She can’t know.
“At the risk of sounding crazy?” She laughs and I don’t respond, so she continues. “I don’t really give a shit what you are. Or I mean, what your job is.”
“You don’t?”
Her face wrinkles and her expression turns solemn. “I had a shitty upbringing. My dad died when I was young. He was our sole income, and he never had life insurance. So, when he passed, it left my mom scrambling for any type of job she could find.
“We went from an okay townhome in a shady neighborhood on the outskirts of Seattle to a trailer park. Mac was old enough to work and tried to help with the bills, but it was still hard for us. Some days, Mom couldn’t put dinner on the table. It’s why I chose to be a lawyer. I want money, and I never want to worry about going broke again. I never want to starve again. So yes, Colby. I really don’t care what you do to make a living. We’re all just doing what we can to survive.”
I sit in silence and process her words. They go against everything I’ve ever believed. I’m third generation police. It’s all I’ve ever known. You’re good, or you’re bad. There is no in between. Criminals deserve to be behind bars. I’ve never attempted to figure out the why behind the crimes, never tried to understand what causes them to break the law.
She helps dig me out of the hole we made together. “The world isn’t black and white. There are gray areas. And people make mistakes. Nobody is perfect.” Until Andi, I don't think I ever had to consider the gray areas.
“So, does Mac operate among those gray areas, then?” I pull my arms from the sand and use them to free my legs.
“Mac did what he had to, in order to make sure my brother and I didn’t starve.”
The conversation is getting too heavy for me. This relationship is meant to get my mind off the dark days ahead of me. The hole we made is a decent size, so I grab her by the waist, scooping her legs from under her, and set her in.
She struggles to stand, laughing as I shove her back down. “Colby!”
“It’s your turn, sunshine.” With my free hand, I cover her as quickly as I can. She kicks sand back into my eyes, and I fall back.
Her laughter continues, and she climbs on top of me as she tries to tickle me. I grab her wrists and pull them over my head. The force brings her down, our chests touching, and her face hovering over mine. She stills, lust filling her eyes, and she leans down, pressing our lips together.
Just friends, huh? I smirk, releasing her hands, and grab the back of her head as I kiss her harder. When she pulls away, my teeth graze her bottom lip. I need more of her, and a deep feeling gnaws at my stomach, knowing it’s all on borrowed time.