“Fine, Daddy.” She laughs and heads in.
“She acts like someone I know,” Alex jokes.
“I wonder who that is.” Jade snorts.
Alex says, “Jade,” and I say, “Tessa,” at the same time.
All eyes turn to me. I don’t know what the hell possessed me to say that out loud. I thought it for years but never dared say it, and I picknowto do it?The fuck?
“When she was younger,” I break the silence. “Anyone else want a beer?”
The song “Just Like a Pill”blows through the air, and Ryan starts laughing.
I hand him a beer. “Shut the fuck up, Ryan.”
“Pink?” Phoebe laughs.
“She’s bad ass.” I hand Alex a beer and sit down.
Ava bounds out the door. “This next one was the same year you and Mom got together.”
When “Nookie” by Limp Bizket starts, I swing my gaze to Ryan and smirk as we both reach around and turn our hats backward. Jade laughs out loud. When he dances up to her, Jackson, Riley, and Lauren collectively groan.
Ryan and Jade have always been strong partners in all things, truly best friends, each other’s true north, person, lobster, all that shit. I once thought Ash and I were that, too. I blame her for every bit of the pain I feel right now. Feels fucked up to be in this headspace, and not with what’s going on with Tessa and her family.
Songs like this bring me back to that time with her, another life back. Every fuck up was because she didn’t love me enough. What I didn’t realize then was that I was the one who didn’t know just how to be loved until I lost her.
Ash reaped the rewards … and then shit all over it.
FOUR
HOME
Ihaven’t been able to sleep since leaving the Abraham household and seeing how truly tragic it all is. Tessa and Emma Hines were brutally attacked, little London and Lexi forced to hide, and Harper, Harper was taken and beaten,and worse. Collin Abraham is a hero, and he died protecting the life of his daughter.
I know I’m not alone. I know Collin would agree when I say, as a father, he’s lucky to have been there to do what fathers are supposed to do—protect and love. I hope one day Harper can see that, if he had a crystal fucking ball and saw it coming, knew he would die saving her, he still would have done so.
Ava, she slept with me for two nights after that. The third night? I slept in the chair next to her bed.
Things became real cold in Casa Links as the winds blew Ash home from Jersey.
In tears, Ava tells her that we have been to Tessa’s house and some of the details as she cries for her friend … our friends. Ashley tries to act like she cares, but it’s cruelly obvious that it barely bothers her. After that, she’s short with all three of us. Logan and Ava exchange looks, both confused.
Their confusion causes me such pain. No kid deserves to live in that kind of environment. So, I step it up. Logan and I play Xbox as Ava hangs out, going through the spreadsheet that she made of all the colleges she applied to, but I know her mind is going in two different directions. One, wondering what’s going on with her mom and I, and the other, Harper.
When they’re both in bed—Ashley has already been in ours for two hours—I head up.
When I walk in, she’s sitting on the bed, chewing her nails. As I walk past her and into the closet to grab a pair of shorts and throw them on, she says, “We need to talk.”
Not wanting to go there, I slide into my side of the bed. “I’m tired. We can talk in the morning.”
“No, no, we can’t, Lucas. I can’t live like this anymore.”
“You don’t have a choice. If I can handle this shit, so can you.”
I lie there, feeling my blood boiling.She can’t live like this. She can’t fucking live like this?
I spring up and look at her. “You did this. You’restilldoing it. You tore this whole fucking thing to shreds, Ashley. I trusted you. I. Trusted. You!” I whisper-hiss. “I can’t even look at you without seeing that tool’s hands on you. The last straw was Christmas, and I heard you tell him you loved him. You were up here, chatting away with yourlover, and not down there with your family on Christmas morning? What the fuck is wrong with you?” I beat my chest. “Do you know how that feels, Ashley? Do you!”