God, I was grateful for him. He never pushed, even though I knew he was desperate to understand what was happening with me.
“We thought we’d find you here.” Royce smiled at me as he and Byron joined us. He shot a side-eye toward the reindeer. “You and your animals, Louisa.”
I snatched the bag of food from him, and after removing my glove, I dug some of the pellets and chaff out of the bag and held it out to the closest reindeer. When it ate from my hand, I immediately felt happier.
But I was running out of time and excuses.
Sooner rather than later, I would have to come clean with these three.
ChapterThirteen
Louisa
We found our way into a hospitality tent in the middle of the Christmas market. While the guys found us somewhere to sit, I bought us all mugs of mulled cider and a bowl filled with hot pieces of ham. The way the guys’ eyes all lit up when I set the tray onto the middle of our table made me smile. “You like my treat then?”
“We totally approve.” Royce dropped a piece of the ham into his mouth.
I passed around the cider before settling into my seat to bask in their company and the warmth the huge fire pit gave off from the middle of the tent.
Jack reached over to snag some ham. “This is delicious.”
“I’ve never had ham this good.” Byron held the bowl toward me.
Jack tore the ham apart with his fingers. “You need to try my dad’s kalua pig. It’s better than anything.”
“Maybe we could visit your family there some time,” Royce suggested.
“Yeah, maybe. I keep getting hounded by Mom to go and visit, but I keep putting it off.” Jack lifted his cup.
“Why is that?” Byron asked.
“Because I like traveling too much.”
“Oh, is that what it is?” Royce nudged Jack.
Byron laughed.
I watched them interacting and laughing together, then cleared my throat. “At the risk of ruining our fun, I’d like to explain what happened when I took off before.”
The guys all fell silent for a moment.
“Okay.” Royce cocked his head to the side. His expression reminded me of an overly curious boy.
I drew in a deep breath. “It’s about kids.”
“I honestly didn’t mean to scare you before,” Jack jumped in.
“No, you didn’t.” I gripped the sides of my mug and allowed the heat to radiate through my hands. “It’s nothing like that. It’s that I-I can’t…” I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. “I’m not capable of having kids.”
Royce leaned forward. “I know the idea of being a parent is scary, but you wouldn’t be alone if we did decide to have kids.”
I gritted my teeth. I wished they’d stop making assumptions and let me talk uninterrupted, no matter how long it took me to break this news to them.
Byron’s sad, intelligent eyes bored into me. “That isn’t what you want to tell us, is it?”
My grip on the cup in my hands became so intense I thought I might have crushed it if it wasn’t made of sturdy bamboo. “I can’t have children. I cannot get pregnant because in order to do that, I’d need a fairly vital organ, and that part of me is gone. It’s been gone for nine years, and I can’t ever get it back.”
Jack’s face fell.