As I step out of the shower, Blair’s face swims back into my mind and the grief in my chest once again hardens. My mind is clearer when I focus on Blair and her claims, the anger keeping me above the foggy grief settling into my heart.
I grab a towel and step into the bedroom, running the cotton roughly over my heat-stung skin with little thought to comfort as my mind runs.
She claims she is the mother to Killian’s child. That she gave birth after they broke up all those years ago.
I don’t believe it.
Ican’tbelieve it.
Too much of it doesn’t make sense but as I rummage through my drawers in search of clothes, I know I’m not exactly in the best mindset to work through something like this.
I haven’t even told Killian yet.
I don’t know how. Breaking it to him will be like giving bad news and there’s been enough of that already. I dress in a pair of black cotton lounge pants and one of Killian’s gray t-shirts. He might not be here right now but I want to feel close to him, and wrapping up in his scent is the best way to do so.
I bunch the fabric up in one hand and press it to my nose, closing my eyes as I breathe him in. For a split second, the urge to be with him rises again. How desperately I want to sink into his arms and have that strength gather me close but I know as soon as I do, I will become useless. I won’t be able to think clearly, never mind plan a funeral.
Smoothing the t-shirt back down against my body, I gather my hair into a wet knot and head downstairs to where Sadie and Kimmy are seated around the counter with the pizza box between them. They speak in hushed whispers, gentle words I can’t decipher as I walk closer until Sadie catches sight of me over Kimmy’s shoulder and her face breaks into a soft smile.
“Cara…”
There it is. That voice people use when you’ve lost someone. That soft, sort of sickly sympathetic voice smothers me almost as much as the pain does. It grates on my ears but I can’t snap at them. They’re here for me and I’m grateful. I just wish they didn’t look at me like that.
Like I’m seconds away from breaking down into hysterics. I swallow hard, the lump in my throat growing so I force my thoughts back onto Blair. I have to stay focused. I have to stay in control.
“Hi.” My voice sounds alien to my ears, small and rough from sobbing into my pillow where no one is watching.
“Come here.” Kimmy pulls a stool closer to her and pats the seat so I hop into it as Sadie slides a pizza slice in front of me.
The smell of cheese and grease makes my stomach flip but I force a smile as we sit in prolonged silence.
Kimmy and Sadie exchange a look they think I don’t see.
Sadie takes a breath. “More flowers came, from people your father worked with I think? I didn’t know he knew so many people.”
“He was clearly well-loved,” Kimmy agrees as she raises a brow at Sadie.
I can’t hold back my scoff.
Well-loved?
Sadie turns to the counter behind her and grabs the bottle of red wine resting there, then three glasses.
So many people died because of him,Inearly died because of him. Those aren’t flowers of love. My gaze fixes on the counter and I run my thumb along the scratch torn into the countertop before I notice that they’ve both gone silent.
Right.
They don’t know. They don’t know my father was the Captain of the Irish Mafia for my entire life.
“I’m sorry.” I lift my head and force an apologetic smile, “I didn’t mean that. I just… he worked with a lot of people that only knew him by name y’know? They send flowers because they think they should, not because they care.”
Kimmy rests her hand on my shoulder, stroking warmth down my back and it takes every ounce of my will not to recoil from her touch.
“I know,” Kimmy replies softly as Sadie also sparks back to life and begins pouring the wine. “What happened to your father was…awful. Random acts like that have been happening all over these past few months. But don’t you worry, I know my parents are taking this very seriously.”
Of course. Kimmy’s parents are detectives and my father was an important name even outside of the mafia. I manage to swallow down the next scoff that rises uninvited. They can look for the culprit all they want.
Killian will get there first. I know that for a fact.