I see why a moment later as a fruity burst explodes over my tongue and the cocktail goes down smoothly. So, she’s an ace mixologist too.
“He was still my dad, even after everything,” I murmur, “I can’t believe he’s just… gone from my life. And then I’mangrybecause so much of my hurt was because of him and everything he did. I can’t settle on how I feel.” A dry, humorless laugh bubbles up, cracking my voice as I speak. “Now I’ve traded one overly defensive mafia man for another. I can’t even take a shower without Killian’s permission. He’s so protective and I understand why, I do, but it is all just so…smothering.” Sienna’s word from before slots right in. “It doesn’t drive me crazy as much as it used to but… still.”
Sienna chuckles, a light sound that pulls at my own lips.
“I understand. Mafia men are… exceptionallyprotectiveover the things they love, aren’t they? They think locking us away in a box is the only way to keep us safe. We can’t blame them though, they’re hardly raised to healthily express compassion.” She chuckles some more and my eyes widen a fraction.
“Have you…?”
“Ever scared Dante enough for him to be that protective? Oh yes.” She shakes her head and her rings tap lightly against her glass as she switches hands. “I’ve had my fair share of life or death threats. But trust me, Killian will learn there are softer ways to love you, as Dante did. Just as we learn to toughen our hearts in order to protect them.”
Sienna speaks wise words and I mull them over as I devour another few gulps of the delicious drink.
Love? Is that where Killian’s heart is?
With everything going on, my growing affection and comfort with Killian has been swelling under the surface, and yet it’s taken a back seat when it came to dealing with my father and Blair.
Do I love him?Is that why Blair infuriates me so much?
My stomach lurches faintly and a sudden warmth washes over my skin. Saying such a word to Killian seems impossible and yet maybe it’s not even something we need to say. Killian’s actions have always spoken louder than his words.
Sienna drains her glass and stands, offering out her hand. I quickly drain my own and offer it to her but she laughs and reaches for my empty hand, taking it in hers and pulling me to my feet.
“Come, walk with me, Emilia will be hungry.”
Our glasses are left discarded on a side table as Sienna begins to lead me through her house. I don’t know where to look, everything is so beautiful and as classy as Sienna herself. The home thrums with life as we pass guards, servants, and more. Sienna stops once or twice to have a quick word with people that we pass and I can’t help the awe that thrives in my heart watching her flow through her house, sure in her position and her life.
“Your house is beautiful,” I say and Sienna squeezes my hand.
“Having a place to call home makes all the difference. I imagine you’ll be missing that, where you are.” She leads me down another corridor as agreement rumbles in my throat.
“The safe house definitely isn’t home but Killian feels we’re secure there and… well,” I chuckle dryly, “after everything that’s happened, I can’t challenge that. Having a home one day would be lovely though.”
As we reach the playroom, I’m faced with another thing Sienna takes in her stride.
“Emilia!” Sienna coos and she darts forward, scooping her beautiful daughter up into her arms. Emilia giggles, kicking her chubby legs out as she thrusts a small toy truck into her mother’s face.
“Lookee!” she yells and Sienna laughs, balancing Emilia on her hip and motioning for me to follow. It takes a moment then she lightly frowns at me.
“Are you okay?”
The awe must have slipped onto my face and I snap my mouth shut.
“Yes, I just… I don’t know how you do it,” I manage, following her through the halls to reach the kitchen. Emilia is deposited into a highchair and she begins playing with her little truck along the tray.
“Do what?”
“This. All of this. You’re the Boss, you run the family and the house, and you’re a wife and a mother and everyone here treats you with deserving respect. I’m… I’m in awe.” I slide onto a stool next to Emilia and she thrusts her truck at me, her face bright and full of life as I take it.
“Oh Cara,” Sienna grins at me as she moves around the kitchen, gathering the necessary items for Emilia’s dinner. “It’s not all me. Just because you only see me doesn’t mean it’s just me. You could do this too y’know, you’re the Irish Princess after all.”
“I don’t think I have this kind of strength,” I scoff, driving the truck along the side of the tray until Emilia demands it back.
“Every woman does,” Sienna states calmly, “but you have to remember, you’re a team. One half of a whole. Dante is just as involved in everything as I am. You need that with Killian, you need to be his other half. Sometimes, the better half.”
I swivel in my seat to face her, resting my elbows on the cool countertop. As I watch her set the food down and begin to feed Emilia, her words seem impossible.
I don’t have her grace, I don’t have her strength and the longer I watch her with her daughter, the more I wonder if I’ll even have thechanceto be a mother, what with Blair skulking around. My heart skips another painful beat and the iron weight of grief in my chest shifts slightly, threatening the burn of tears behind my eyes.