I wrap my arms tight around her, encircling her in a willing cage of muscle and heat as I press her to my chest and bury my face into the silky soft crook of her neck.
She accepts me. There’s nothing else that this could mean. She had her chance; she could have walked away. Told me to suck it up, shove my openness back down my throat and return us to our old ways of bickering. Instead, she holds me against her in a way I’ve never been held before, like she’s trying to protectme,and I don’t have the words.
She trembles against me and I slide one of my hands down her back, trying to soothe her. This position can’t be that comfortable after our activities together, and I don’t want her to be in pain. She makes no move to change her position, though; instead, she cradles me closer and I close my eyes, breathing in her scent of mint and vanilla tinted faintly in Chinese seasoning.
For a few small moments, I feel like I have worth and a warm bubble in my chest rises and fades. Trusting her with this, with everything that’s made methis way,has been the right call. She’s accepted those parts of me without question and this leaves us with no secrets.
We’ll be married soon and whatever comes next, we’ll face it together, free from the chains of past mistakes.
It’s an incredible relief to give in and trust her. My pain is safe in her hands.
15
CARA
“You can’t keep me here locked up forever!” I’d be embarrassed by the shrillness of my voice if not for howpissed offI am that yet another day has ticked by with absolutely nothing to entertain me, and Killian won’t let me leave. He’s treating me like some badly trained puppy dog.
“Can’t I?” Killian snaps back at me from where he stands by the dresser, carefully removing his cufflinks. I know his routine by heart since it’s the only part of my day that isn’t spent staring at walls or trying to squeeze conversation out of Archer. That man is as stoic as a brick wall. The bedsheet twists in my grasp, and I throw it aside.
“I’m falling behind in classes, I haven’t seen my friends inforever,and I can’t keep pretending that you’ve whisked me away to some spa!”
“You can,” Killian interrupts coolly, unbuttoning his shirt. “You just don’t want to.”
“No, I don’t. I want to go out and do things. Iunderstandthat things are different right now. I know you’re trying to make sure things are safe for me and us, you promised to take care of me, but I can’t take being cooped up here!” I kick my legs to the end of the bed and stand, unable to last one more second just sittinglisteningto him.
“Cara, it’s only been a couple of days,” he states and my fingers itch with the urge to throw something at his back. “We also promised to keep you a virgin before your wedding, and look how that turned out,” He turns to face me, that remark as snarky as the look twisted over his face and despite his shirt hanging open, showing off his glorious body like some glorious distraction, I just want to strike that look off his face.“Maybe promises aren’t our strong point.”
“Fuck you!” I yell, stalking towards him. “Howdareyou? If this is what it’s going to be like when we’re married, then maybe I would be better off on the street somewhere. I can’t stand this. It’s smothering to be here! This isn’t even my home. I just needsomethingthat isn’t these four walls!
I catch Killian’s hands pausing on his shirt.
Just a little more.
“If you don’t let me dosomething,I’ll find a way to get out of here myself!” I yell, “and you know I will because I—!”
“Fine!” Killian cuts in with a yell of his own, silencing my tirade. He sighs deeply and turns to me, placing his hands on my shoulders and gripping them firmly. “Fine. I will arrange something. A last hurrah before the wedding. Things will calm down after that. Don’t you dare try and leave here by yourself.”
I smile up at him in victory. It’s a short leash, but I’ll take it.
His eyes narrow, realizing he fell for my tantrum, but it’s too late now. He agreed, and that’s that.
Killian works fast. The next evening we’re out at one of his surviving clubs, and it’s the first fresh breath of air I’ve had since the attack at Columbia. Fuck, that feels so long ago now.
Neon lasers fly above our heads as the club pulses with the rhythm of music and people. The music thumps so hard that it confuses my heartbeat, and I’m a little breathless as I lean against the bar, Sadie on my left and Kimmy on the right. I chose a sparkly red dress and black heels, though I almost didn’t make it here intact when Killian saw me coming down the stairs. As obnoxious as he can be, he does a fantastic job of making me feel irresistible.
I bury a knowing smirk into the glass of my cocktail as Kimmy’s arm slips around my shoulders. She pulls me close, her fingers brushing so close to a hidden bruise, and she uses a slightly drunk finger to indicate across the bar to where Archer is staring at us.
“I think that guy either wants to fuck you or kill you!” she yells in my ear before collapsing into peals of laughter. “I mean, he needs to work on his face, but he’s been staring at you all night!”
“Kimmy!” Sadie exclaims, reaching around me to give her a friendly shove, “maybe he’s just forgotten his glasses!” More laughter and I snigger into my glass.
“No!” I exclaim, “no, that’s Archer. He’s one of Killian’s bodyguards.” My explanation doesn’t quell the laughter, and Kimmy pushes herself up against the bar, brushing some sweaty strands of hair from her forehead.
“Who bringsbodyguardsto a nightclub?” she giggles.
“He’s worried, after all the stuff at the school, y’know?” is all I can say. They know nothing of the mafia aspect of my life, and I’ve worked so hard to keep it that way. Sadie yells at the bartender for another round of drinks. A round of shots land in front of us and Kimmy squeals, downing hers instantly.
I manage a sip of mine before her hand closes around mine and she pulls me out onto the dancefloor. Sadie joins us a second later, and if I close my eyes, I can pretend it’s like the old days. It’s just us three, dancing the night away before an early class the next morning.