“It was.”
“Why?”
“I wasn’t looking for it... And I never thought I’d do it again,” he says and stops, and my heart starts crying for him. “In a way, it’s like some bad food you’ve got so used to that you’re no longer looking for something else. So I went back to it.”
“I meant nothing to you, didn’t I?” I ask, my voice so quiet I wonder if he heard me.
From where I sit, I can see the soft tears lining his lashes.
He keeps his chin down and makes an effort to keep his expression from changing but even so, I can see the pain on his face.
“You meant everything to me,” he says, and my heart breaks.
“How can you say that to me?” I mutter in utter disbelief.
He lifts his gaze. I slump in my seat.
A smile brushes his lips as he takes in my expression.
Surprise, regret, and ache he must see on my face. I feel bad for him and me. For us.
“It’s not fair...” I murmur, drowning in his eyes.
“It’s the truth,” he says, and then I see it in his gaze.
The love he never wanted to confess. The love he hid from me. The love he couldn’t let me have.
“Why, Jaden? Why would you do that?”
A sad smile sparks in his eyes.
He briefly looks away.
“Why?” I ask again, sliding my hand on top of his.
He feels warm beneath my touch.
His eyes move back to me.
“You know why. I think you knew it even back then.”
Disappointed, I pull my hand away.
He gently stops me and grips my hand, my fingers getting lost in the cushion of his palm.
“Had I not left, we would’ve destroyed each other.”
My mouth falls open in surprise.
He slowly nods, his eyes flashing sadness and compassion.
“We would’ve slipped into a different madness and ended up hating each other. That’s one of the reasons why I left.”
My skin gets cold against his touch.
“How is this better than that?”
He ponders.