I glance sharply up at him, eyes widening. “You’re kidding me. It’s not midnight.”
“Not kidding.” He slips his phone from his pocket and hits the button, illuminating the screen showing that’s it’s nearly a quarter after twelve. “And I told Paola I’d help her lead the first zip line tour tomorrow since Henri pulled his shoulder. We should head back.”
“All right.” Holding on to his hand, we set a faster clip through the Centro and back to the car. We don’t talk much on the way back to the cabin or while getting ready for bed.
But when we’re beneath the covers, Danny turns to me and pulls me into his arms, whispering, “Whatever you decide, Sam. Really. There will never be any judgment from me, either way.”
And then he makes love to me with an honesty that makes me believe him. But even though it feels so right to be in his arms and I know he’s telling the truth, I keep thinking back to the things he said last summer when we were on the verge of falling apart, when he made it clear he rises or falls according to my lead.
Last year, I tumbled off the pedestal he’d put me on and dragged him down with me. He fell off the wagon and had been ready to break important promises he’d made to his family all because I’d failed to be the hero he’d thought I was.
I know it’s not right to expect myself to be strong and good for two people, but what’s right and what’s true are rarely the same thing.
Danny and I have already admitted that we aren’t whole without each other. Maybe we’ll always be that way. Maybe falling in love so young and making forever promises when we had no idea how long forever could be has crippled us as individuals. Alone, we probably aren’t what psychiatrists would consider stable, but together we are solid, unstoppable.
But it has almost always been my job to put on the brakes, to decide whether we should use our unstoppable energy for good or to call a time out when we’re getting close to doing something we shouldn’t. I wasn’t up to the job last year and I’m not sure I’m up to it now.
I only know that I love him, this man who wraps his arm around my waist and curls his strong body into mine with an intensity that makes it clear he’d shelter me from every hurt in the world if he could. He is our heart. I am our conscience. And if I don’t want to put both of us at risk again, I need to start doing my job.
I need to decide what’s more important—revenge or the safety of the man I love—and I have to decide quickly.
The clock is ticking and lives hang in the balance. Not just Todd’s life, or J.D.’s or Jeremy’s, but mine and Danny’s and the lives of the people who love us, who will suffer the aftershocks of the decisions we make.
Decisions that once made can never be unmade, no matter how many nights I lie in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, wondering if I should have done things differently.
Chapter Sixteen
Danny
“Nothing shows a man’s character
more than what he laughs at.”
-Goethe
* * *
I can tell the question of what to do with the SBE brothers is weighing on Sam in a way it wasn’t before, but I’m not going to try to talk to her about it again.
No matter how much I love her or hate the men who hurt her, my opinion doesn’t matter. This is her war. She has to make the final call and give the marching orders. And if she says we walk away, I’ll walk away, no matter how much I want to punish those assholes or how much they deserve it.
If Sam doesn’t think she’ll be able to live with herself after, I will take her hand, get on the plane to Thailand, and do my best to forget about the men who stole a year of our lives together, forget that they are still out there, living a life without scars or consequences.
I’m a different person than I was a year ago.
I still want to do the right thing, but more importantly, I want to do the right thing for Sam. Nothing is more important than that. I let her down once by being too focused on an ideal instead of the woman I love. I won’t make the same mistake again.
* * *
Saturday morning, I ease out of bed quietly, figuring at least Sam should be able to sleep in after the late night. I dress quickly and tuck my toothbrush into my bag so I can go straight from the mess hall to the visitor center after breakfast.