"I think this a little more pressing, don't you think?" She looks up from her phone, and her eyes find mine. I pull her closer to me and lean into her hair to kiss her head. She pulls away, almost frantically.
"You can see him, but we can't do this."
"Can't do what?"
"This, just all of this. I'm finally getting used to being alone, and then you are here."
I pull to my feet, trying to hide my disappointment, "You lead the way."
She gets into her car, and I follow her about 15 miles outside of town. When we pull into the little house, Blakely steps out of her car. "Be quiet in case he is asleep." She demands, using her best "mom voice."
"Why do you live so far from school?" I ask as we walk up the front steps.
"I am taking the semester off." She replies, pushing the front door open slowly. Lexie tiptoes her way out of a bedroom pulling the door closed.
She jumps at the sight of us, "Jesus, B, you scared the shit out of me." She whispers.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Judson Banks. I was beginning to think you didn't really exist." I can't even crack a smile at her shitty joke.
"Hi Lexie, yes, it's very comical that I've missed a whole month of my son's life." Her eyes turn into daggers as she stares a hole through me.
"Whose fault is that?" She barks.
"Guys, stop." Blakely whisper shouts. "Lexie, thank you, I'll see you tomorrow. We're still on for that thing?" Lexie nods and smiles at Blakely, while I wonder what is so secretive. She pushes past me, her shoulder grazing mine roughly.
"I'm sorry, she's well… she's Lexie." Blakely tries to explain.
"She's not wrong. I should've been here."
"You didn't know, and as much as I wish it would've been about me, it's not. It's about him now." She motions toward the door with her thumb over her shoulder.
"It should've been about you. Instead, I let it be about myself and Ryan."
I watch her chest rise and fall as she takes a deep breath. She grabs the handle and turns back to me, "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"There isn't anything I want more, except maybe you."
Her focus shifts toward the door, and she pushes it open.
It's not super dark in here, Blakely has the room painted a light gray, and the curtains on the windows are sheer and blue. Other than a small toy box and bookshelf, the space is pretty empty. She glides over to the crib placed against the far wall. I notice a mobile above the crib with tiny boats on it before turning my attention to the blanket bundle in the crib.
At the sight of him, I feel like I've been punched in the gut. Blakely places her hand in the crib, and he unconsciously wraps his tiny fingers around her index finger. There has never been another moment in my life where I felt this complete. After the last few months of everything falling apart, it feels good to see them fall together again. It's my son, of course, but it's also Blakely. I know for sure this is it for me. This right here is everything I will ever need.
"He looks like you," I whisper to her.
"Really?" She questions, "I think he looks like you." She laughs.
"I guess we won't know for a while right now he's just a squish."
"A squish?" She raises an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I mean, he just looks like a baby."
She laughs, "Well, he is a baby."
"Were you ever going to tell me?" I need to know.
"I tried to tell you. Once. I texted you that we needed to talk, we needed to talk about the fact that I was pregnant, but you were on your way to California. I decided not to tell you after Ryan came to see me. I was afraid if he knew, he would eventually get to my child. I didn't want that. So when you called me back and wrote those emails, It killed me not being able to tell you."