"I can't imagine anything better than you, Blakely." He pleads.
I didn't think seeing him on the steps that I would feel any pity for him at all, but he's broken too. His life was ripped from him, sure maybe it was manipulated there in the first place, but nevertheless, it's gone. I take a deep breath as the tears burn my eyes and decide that the truth at this point would be better for him than anything.
"I should've never said yes." He looks up at me, and his sadness starts slowly turning to anger, and if he needs to be angry, that is okay. So I continue, "I knew it wasn't right. Something always felt off."
His voice turns into a yell, "Blakely, this isn't you. Why are you acting like this?!"
Judson steps into the doorway, and Dakota's eyes find his.
"This is because of him, isn't it! Blakely, what is wrong with you? This isn't like you, moving somewhere on a whim, with someone youbarelyknow."
His eyes rake Judson, and the look of disgust turns to me, and I try to keep my cool.
"Are you sleeping with him?"
"Dakota! That isn't any of your business. You don't even really know me. You accused me of having an abortion! You wrecked your bike on purpose for answers and have been playing mind games with me for the past 4 years." I take a slow breath to try and calm my voice. Judson is now standing behind me, not leaving my side. "I'm sorry we lost the baby. I will always be sorry. I won't ever forget it, and I will always feel the guilt that I could've protected her somehow. I hope we can get past this one day."
He grabs his crutches and stands back up, shifting his weight and hobbling closer to his car. "I'm sorry too, Blakely. For everything, I hope I can find someone that won't feel so pressured to want the same things that I want."
Well, if that wasn't an underhanded jab to the gut, I don't know what is.
"I hope you find that too, I really do." I choke out as all of the good memories I have with him come flooding my thoughts.
He forces a crooked smile and yanks the door open on his black Honda Civic. The brake lights shine at the end of the driveway. A sinking feeling in my chest has me feeling weak in the knees. I fall to the steps and wipe the tears away from my cheeks. He will thank me for this one day when he finds someone who makes him feel like Judson makes me feel. The real thing.
"Are you going to be okay?" His voice is soft and apologetic as he pulls me into a tight hug.
"You know, for the first time in a while, I think I am going to be okay."
Honestly, I feel relieved, like a huge weight was just lifted off my shoulders. I don't have everything, but at least I have a little bit of closure.
"Let's eat." He pulls me up by my hand and leads me into the kitchen, where he has our sandwiches on plates and two glasses of sweet tea. Judson doesn't question our conversation, he doesn't push, and I am thankful for that. I don't need that right now, and I really don't feel like talking about it. The food is amazing, and I really can't think of a bad meal I have had since I have been here. Plus, Judson's cooking is awesome. Who knew a bachelor could have cooking game? I figure his mama taught him everything he knows. There's a small moment of silence when the front door bursts open.
Jameson's eyes connect with us. He looks disheveled and confused. Judson puts his sandwich down and makes his way around the island and into the foyer.
"What's wrong?" Judson asks him as Jameson begins pacing around the house like a mad man.
"We had practice today, and I was looking up into the bleachers for Hanna, and I couldn't find her. Do you know who was there, though?" Jay looks completely freaked out.
"Dad."
Judson's face turns white as a ghost. As his hands fall down by his sides, and his eyes go wide.
"Are you sure you saw him?" Judson sits on the couch and stares blankly into space. I walk quicker than my feet want to allow and sit next to him. I want to be here for him, as much as he will allow. I place my hand on his knee, and it's almost as if my hand burned him. He jumps up as quick as he can, his eyes shoot to mine, but he looks right through me.
"I'll be back. I'm going to go make some calls." He walks away, and I make my way over to Jameson.
"Are you okay?" I ask him and pull him into a hug. He breaks into sobs, "I'm sorry I interrupted you guys." He cries.
"Jameson, you are welcome here with us anytime." I just continue to hold him for a while until his phone rings. I glance at it as he pulls it out of his pocket. I see Hanna's name and picture across the screen. He looks at me and then back to his phone. I can tell he is contemplating whether or not he is going to answer the call. It goes to voicemail, and he looks up at me.
"I left her and came straight here. I didn't know what else to do. I saw my dad and instantly walked off the field looking for him, and he was gone. Hanna was coming down to practice after class and riding home with me. I'm sure she is freaking out."
I pat his arm, "You should call her and let her know you are okay and here." He nods and pulls the phone to his ear, walking into the kitchen.
I tiptoe down the hall into Judson's office, I expect him to be on the phone, but he isn't. His chair is turned backward, and he is staring out the window. I pull my uncasted hand up to the door and softly knock twice before entering. He turns to me and motions me over to him.
"Are you okay?" I whisper as I pop a squat on his knee.