I said I’d wait for him out on the beach, and he was happy with that.
I watched him on the water for a while, but as he had pointed out, the surf was flat and there weren’t any good waves around. It was a glorious afternoon, and I didn’t mind sitting out there, closing my eyes, and listening to the water washing onto the shore. He came out soon enough and we went up to the house for lunch. Someone had laid out platters of sushi and we had a delicious meal and some beers before I headed back to the airport.
We shook hands before I left, and he pulled me into a hug when we said goodbye.
“You take care, man,” he said to me, and I awkwardly slapped his back to show affection. It had been a good afternoon and we’d had a productive outcome to our discussion, but I’ve never been a physically demonstrative sort of a person. I also didn’t have that many friends that I could talk to or relax with. I wasn’t that comfortable around people or sharing my thoughts so openly. I had a feeling Jared had a huge circle of friends.
He had gotten a car to take me back to the airport and I felt an odd regret to be leaving the sunshine and the warm weather behind. New York was beginning to be overcast and glum and the days had recently been chilly. It occurred to me that I could stay a bit longer in the city, but when I checked my calendar, I saw that I had an early meeting with an important supplier that I had to attend.
I got onto the plane, took my seat, and leaned back, thinking about taking a nap.
I thought of Lauren and how strained it was between us lately. Ever since our escapade in my office, we had not been alone together, apart from one time in the elevator. That had been excruciating for both of us. I had the feeling she wanted me to say something, but I could not wait to get out of there. My thinking around Lauren wasn’t clear, I had come to see. I was so attracted to her, still, that I seemed not to remember that she was lying to me, even now. Maybe that performance in my office had been a well-orchestrated ploy to get me to lighten up on her workload. It had worked, of course, I had found the interns for her, and her workload must have become much lighter. I kept out of her way, now though, because I didn’t want her getting ideas. I kept seeing her face when she tried to convince me that Gabriel was gay and that she’d never had a thing with him, when she knew very well she was lying. It didn’t matter that she knew how to do wonderful things with her tongue or that she was good at her job, she wasn’t to be trusted.
Trust was important to me; it was probably the most important thing to me.
If I couldn’t trust people, I wanted as little as possible to do with them.
Whenever I thought of that afternoon together, of the way she had opened to me and the delicious pleasure we had shared for a few moments, I told myself that this was all part of a little play she was making for me. I had to be careful. Lauren wasn’t the first woman to try to trap me. I only had to think of Taya and her suggestion that getting married wasn’t the worst idea in the world.
Lauren was nothing like Taya, though. At least, I didn’t think she was.
But perhaps all women were manipulative, scheming and cold, I thought bitterly.
Chapter 13
Lauren
I went home after lunch, sending Diaz a text that I wasn’t feeling well. I went to the drug store first, then headed straight home.
“You okay, honey?” I heard someone calling to me as I came up the stairs to our apartment.
It was Mrs. Penderis from upstairs.
“Yeah,” I called up, forcing a smile on my face.
“Just feeling a bit sick.”
“Ah, that’s too bad, feel better soon.”
I went up the stairs to our apartment, passing Doris and her baby who were heading out to the park. I had to make conversation with her too. Finally, I was able to get into our apartment and shut the door behind me.
I closed my eyes in relief.
When I opened them, I found our apartment the same as when I’d left it in the morning. My coat was still on the chair where I’d thrown it earlier, deciding to opt for another jacket. Our breakfast dishes had been placed in the sink but not rinsed out since both of us were late this morning. It was only a few hours ago but already it felt like a lifetime ago.
I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I was looking a bit pale, unwell. I’d been feeling off color for a while, I thought I had a bug. Then, in the office kitchen this morning, the smell of coffee had turned my stomach. I was talking to Petra about some TV show and the next moment I thought I was going to throw up. I ran into the bathroom and retched but the nausea had passed. I came out to wash my face, feeling rather shaky. A woman stood at the basin, washing her hands. She looked at me sympathetically. “Last time I ran like that for the loo, I was pregnant with my second.”
“Oh, I’m not pregnant!” I said quickly. Then I got an awful, awful feeling. I mean, I couldn’t be, could I?
The woman walked out of the bathroom while I did the math in my head. When was the last time I’d had my period? I needed my phone to check the calendar. I walked back slowly to my desk and got my phone. There was no getting away from it. I was late. By almost a week. I was usually quite regular, but I’d been so caught up with work that I hadn’t noticed.
“Are you okay?” Tash stood at my desk. I shook my head and said I was going home. I couldn’t face anyone. I had to know. I bought three different tests and at home, I did all three and waited. Those minutes felt like the longest of my life. When I finally checked them, the result was the same on all of them.
It was positive.
I was pregnant.
My legs felt weak, I had to sit down. This wasn’t possible? How could it be? I hadn’t had sex in ages. I tried to think of the last time I’d had sex and with a shock I realized that it had been Matthew, in his office, over a month ago.