“Oh?”
“You met at a dinner party, right?”
She was thrown a bit by my question. “Yes… my father was an investor, and he invited your father and his brother Albert to come round for dinner. To talk more about their new company. Egal,” she laughed. “A combination of Egbert and Albert, what an idea!”
“And?”
“Your father told him that health food was the future, but he couldn’t see it, he was loathe to put his money into such a risky venture,” she smiled in memory. “He said Americans liked their junk food too much.”
“And then you convinced him?”
She nodded. “I did. After dinner, I told him that I thought the Waterstone brothers were onto something and that I had tasted one of their cookies not knowing it was supposedly health food and had loved it all the same. He said if I was prepared to vouch for them, it was good enough for him.”
“And that was the tag line, wasn’t it?”
“’Too good to be health food.’”
My mother touched my arm. “What’s this about, Matthew?”
I decided to jump right in. “You and Father, you loved each other.”
Her voice was soft. “Yes, we did, very much.”
“Thing is, Taya and I don’t love each other.”
I saw her face harden.
“But you like each other?”
I nodded.
“That’s all you need. Don’t you see? Passion and romance die sooner or later in all marriages. But if that goes and there is no companionship, then you have nothing. You and Taya like each other, you share the same background, have the same values. You have the most important aspects of a happy marriage already in place.”
I did not think this was true.
“You didn’t think your father never stepped out of the marriage, did you?” She gave me a strange, knowing look before walking away. I watched her cross the closely mowed lawn, which stretched into the distance towards the ocean. It was such a handsome property, I thought, but I couldn’t appreciate it. I should’ve told Taya I was leaving but I couldn’t face her quite at that moment.
I decided to get an Uber.
I sent Taya a message to say I wasn’t feeling well and was leaving.
Standing outside, waiting for my ride, I heard the gravel crunching and saw my mother coming out to meet me.
“Leaving already?” she asked.
I turned away, not answering her.
“I think I’ll come with you,” she said, hooking an arm through mine. It was probably intended as a gesture of affection but instead it felt as if she was claiming me, chaining me to her body. Her son, her family, her name.
When the car arrived, I didn’t want to get into it with her and told her I would stay a little longer, lying to her. I wanted to get another car, maybe go for a drink in town, preferably at a hotel in town where nobody knew me and none of the faces were altered by plastic surgeons or make-up.
I wondered how Lauren would have reacted to this party, how she would have acted with Eric and Kristina. I couldn’t imagine her in this world, which was carefully constructed of so many layers of intricate norms and social rules. I couldn’t imagine a conversation between her, and my mother and I couldn’t really figure out why that bothered me.
I booked a ride into town and found a hotel where I sat at the bar and drank one whiskey after another. I ignored text messages from Taya askingme where I was. There was no way I was marrying her, I thought. Taya was another version of my mother, a manipulator who had her own agenda and was trying to get me to do what she wanted. But I had spent enough time in my life dancing to the tune of others.
I went to reception and took a room for the night.
Then I opened a bottle of wine from the bar fridge and started to drink seriously. My last coherent thought was of Lauren and the way she had felt when I was inside of her. Warm, welcoming. She’d been in the moment, with me, every step of the way. It had felt good. I had felt alive for the first time in ages. No longer going through the motions, doing what was expected of me. Thinking of her made me want her, want to be inside of her again. I could think of nothing else for the rest of the night.