She wasn’t crazy. She hadn’t been wrong. And she couldn’t be in that hospital anymore. The walls felt tight, the air stagnant. She didn’t feel safe there. She felt vulnerable, like she was back in the toilet of Van Gould’s office.
Her instinct was to run then, and no matter how illogical, her instinct was to run now. Getting to her feet and dressed, she walked out of her hospital room wheeling her small luggage bag behind her. She took the long way, not passing the nurses station, and headed out the main door of the ward to the elevator. She kept her head down, made sure to avoid eye contact. Out the main entrance where the cool, crisp night air hit her quick. She made it to the taxi rank, past the nurses having a smoke break, and jumped into the first one she saw.
Once back at Ruben and Chris’ place, she breathed a small sigh of relief looking at the barely lit house she’d called home for almost two years. She’d spent the taxi trip running through her reasons for leaving the hospital in her mind. Practising them but honesty was her best policy. She needed help. She needed comfort. She needed them to tell her things were going to be OK.
Ava found the door open.Strange.They never left the door open. She crept inside, finding only the kitchen light on. She called out softly but heard nothing, save for the ringing of the home phone.
She looked into the living room and found Ruben sitting cross-legged, surrounded by trophies and pictures littered around the floor. Glass from the frames lay splintered around as well, as Ruben sipped from a bottle of dishwashing detergent. Ava launched herself forward and swatted his hand away from his open mouth. “What the hell is going on? What are you doing?” she screamed.
“Relax,” he muttered through quivering lips, his face shining with tears as he waved the bottle under her nose. She scrunched her face and gave a small cough as the smell of pure alcohol hit her nose.
“Rubes, stop. Stop!” she said, taking the bottle away. “What is going on? What happened?”
Ruben broke out into a chuckle that quickly turned into more tears. “I failed.”
“Failed what?”
“I failed the people I love. I failed my boy. I failed my girl,” he slurred, looking at her. “I just wanted to forget for a while. But.” He paused as he chuckled again and glanced at the detergent bottle. “I should’ve known... you know? I don’t know... Maybe I wanted him to find it.”
Ava pieced together what little of Ruben’s ramblings made sense. “Chris found the detergent bottle... He confronted you?”
Ruben looked to the ceiling. “Biggest fight we’ve ever had. He stormed out an hour ago... thirty minutes... two hours... I don’t know.” He turned to gently touch her face with his fingertips. “I never... I never wanted to hurt you. Understand? Never. I didn’t... This, what happened to you... was my fault.”
Ava gently held the hand he’d touched her with. “Don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t need you to feel sorry for me. I need you to get sober. I need you to train me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Gimme that,” he said, reaching for the bottle which Ava held back.
“No way.”
“I said... give it to me.”
Ruben lunged for the bottle, and she threw it into the hall. He cried out and tried to crawl after it as the contents poured out onto the carpet. Ava grabbed him by the back of his shirt, holding him at bay until he bucked and twisted out of her grip. He turned to push her away but was met with a stinging slap that left him stunned for a moment. She used his distraction to her advantage and straddled him, holding him down.
“Get off me! Don’t you get it? I’m finished! I’m weak! I’ve never been anything else. Chris knows it. That’s why he took off. Just save us both more heartache and leave.”
“Snap the fuck out of it! I’m weak too! I just ran away from the hospital. But I’m through running, Godammit. I’m not giving up on you. For fucks sake, you guys are all I’ve got. Where am I supposed to go? I need you. And you need me.”
“I don’t care,” Ruben replied, shaking his head.
“Yes, you do—” she said. Her voice breaking as she saw his face scrunch, trying to hold his emotions back.
“I can’t do this again. To myself or you. Look at me. What difference can I possibly make? You died! That was me. I did that. I put you in that match!”
Ava held his face with both hands, speaking through her sobs as one of the best men she’d ever known lay broken underneath her. “I saw my dad tonight. I’m telling you this because I’m afraid. Van Gould is going to trial, and tonight I had the choice to help put him away and I crumbled. I froze. I told my dad he shouldn’t have put him up on charges. I made a mistake just like you. But I refuse to sit in silence. I will not live my life in fear anymore.
You were the only one I trusted the night I realized I was being abused. I needed you and you were there. I need you to be there for me now. I need you to train me. I need you take care of me. But, most of all...” She broke down at the sight of him doing the same as he brought her into a tight hug. “I need you to love me.”
They held each other as they sobbed their fears and anger out. Ruben kept repeating “I’m sorry” over and over again. Whether that was about how she found him or his guilt over the Nash fight, Ava wasn’t sure. It was probably all of the above. He had been down for so long, and he needed to get it out.
Ava heard the front door open and looked up to see Chris hurrying inside, stopping in his tracks when he looked down at the two of them.
“I just got a call from the hospital saying they couldn’t find you. They’ve been trying to call here but got no answer. What is going—”
“Chris, I’ll tell you. Just,” Ava reached her hand up to bring him down, “I can’t do this... we can’t do this without you. Please?”
He didn’t move for the longest time, watching Ruben continue to pour his emotions out. Ava wondered what was going through his mind. Did he believe Ruben had hit rock bottom? Was this finally the breaking point? After a minute, he lowered himself and opened his arms for Ava, who buried her face into his rock hard chest as her arms, and then Ruben’s, wrapped around him. They each cried long into the night, silently vowing that if this was rock bottom, they would use it to begin rebuilding the foundation of their team.
There was so much to talk about. So much work to be done. They all needed this trinity for their own reasons. But one reason they had in common was an overwhelming love of the other two members.