Ava leant back, slightly amused and very content. She placed her hand behind her head and bent her leg. “I’ve had experiences but never went as far as that.”
“Well, something was obviously building. No girl has ever gotten me off like that.”
Ava giggled. “Oh that’s right, you’re in the habit of taking strange girls to your bed.”
“I take whoever I fancy. Girls are less messy. Guys, well, let’s just say my track record with them has been awful. Hence, why no relationships. I don’t classify myself as bi though I guess I am. I’m not big on labels so I don’t announce anything. Makes my mum sleep better I think. How did your parents take it?”
Ava swallowed. “I haven’t spoken to them in over a year. They want nothing to do with me. I’m a disgrace to them.”
“What?”
“Not only am I gay, I’m also a fighter. I have no idea what the hell I was supposed to do career wise that would’ve made them happy. I do know I was supposed to be a baby making factory for their grandkids. I’m a walking embarrassment.”
Lauren rolled over and gently ran her curled finger down Ava’s arm. “Fuck em’.”
Ava shrugged. “It hurts. I don’t think it’ll ever stop. How can it when the people that are supposed to love you unconditionally, let you know you mean nothing to them? Just because you are being who you are. But it gets easier, little by little.”
Lauren hadn’t stopped roaming her finger along Ava’s arm. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, at least your old man hung around to tell you in person he was ashamed of you. Mine couldn’t even stomach seeing me born.”
“He left your mum?”
Lauren nodded. “You know it’s funny. When you don’t have a dad, and your mum refuses to speak of him, you make up all these fantasies. While you wait for him, night after night, you cry yourself to sleep. Wonder what makes you so terrible that he never wanted you. Wonder where he is. Does he ever think about you. You kid yourself about why he’s not there. You just want one minute of his time. To hug him. Just to feel his arms around you, just once. You dream that he’s going to sweep you off your feet and be your knight in shining armour. Then you realise he’s just a cunt in tinfoil.”
Ava gave a slight chuckle.
“But I tell you what, though,” Lauren continued, sitting up and stretching her neck, “you’ll get to my stage one day. When you’ll break. You’ll reach a point where you let it go. That feeling of wanting to be held. To be loved. When I said to myself, ‘Self, you don’t have a father. You never did. If he doesn’t want you, fuck him.’ any emotional need I had for the guy stopped, and I said goodbye. It was the best day of my life.”
“What was your worst day?”
“The same day.”
Ava nodded. “I get that. More than you know.” She sat up, let out a sigh and placed a soft kiss on Lauren’s shoulder. “I better be going.”
“It’s like four in the morning?”
She stood and started putting on her clothes. “Which is like nine in the morning for me. I’m always up running at this hour. Fighter life.”
Lauren made a disgusted sound. “Not for me. Way too early and I’d probably be way too hungover.”
Ava giggled and reached for her bag, placing one knee on the bed to lean forward. Lauren leaned forward too and they shared a long kiss filled with tongue flicks. “Thanks for a great night,” she said, a hand on Lauren’s face.
“Go get ’em, warrior princess.”
Ava went to the door and paused, turning back. “Hey... bit of free advice? Don’t shut yourself off to the world. Yeah OKOK, both of our pasts suck, but I gotta believe there’s something out there for us. Maybe you have been shit at relationships, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t for you. Just think about it. I’m saying I think you have a lot to offer someone if you give them a shot.”
Lauren pursed her lips and stretched. “I’ll definitely make my mark in the world somehow. Hey, Alex and I were thinking of hitting up that T on the weekend. She’ll be bringing her dipshit boyfriend, so you’re more than welcome to tag along?”
“I’ll be in training camp.”
“Fuck. Seriously? You’ll miss out on me finding my true love.”
“Or another one-night stand from a fighter?”
“They’d have a big mountain to climb. You’re a tough act to follow. Hope you know I won’t be shouting out about this until you make it big. Then I’ll be telling everyone I had the most epic night with an MMA fighter. I dunno if she can fight, but she sure can sixty-nine like a champion.” Lauren winked.
Ava waved goodbye and headed out, tiptoeing through the darkness, making sure not to wake Lauren’s roommate, all the way to the front door.
8