“Oh my gosh,” Arabella held a hand over her mouth. She looked up, presumably at Lord Stanton before burying her hands in her face. “Oh my gosh!”
“They will never tell you until the day is nearly upon you. They hide such things knowing full well that they will tempt us. Of course, I needed to know. I have an insatiable curiosity for everything.”
Arabella’s face was pale. “You are such a bad influence.”
“Do not look at me. These books must be Aunt Chastity’s.Ironically. I assume she is desperate for companionship without her husband. If she keeps them, albeit hidden, then it must be as entertaining as it sounds.” Charlotte crossed her arm, looking around for eavesdroppers once again. “The coffer in her study is full of them. The key is under the rug of her bedchamber.”
“I must not look,” she said.
Charlotte shrugged. “Then you only have yourself to blame,” she said. “If we give all the information to the men and none to the women, then it is that much easier for them to manipulate us. We must stay vigilant and up to task,evenif he is a gentleman. You will never know for sure what you are about to witness if you do not seek such answers yourself.”
There was a drawn-out silence as Arabella absorbed the shocking revelation. Her face was still beet red. After a moment, she looked at her sister, opening her mouth, but for a few breaths, nothing came out. “So…so you have kissed him? And it was…?”
“Beautiful. I hated it.”
Arabella looked rightfully puzzled.
“I would do it again, but I hate…feelings. It makes my skin crawl to care at all,” she frowned. “And I do. Which is hateful, and yet so incredibly beautiful. I truly am befuddled.”
“You have a heart,” Arabella smiled. “I am so glad to hear it.”
“Do not be so hasty. I may change my mind yet. That is all I can hope.”
“You are a pessimist, Charlotte.”
“I am a realist, actually.” Charlotte bunched her mouth up to the side and sighed. Telling her sister hadn’t made it better. It was cathartic, and yet extremely humiliating at the same time. “I will be excusing myself.”
She must have left her sister speechless, because when she turned on her heels, she was met with no resistance. It had been some time since she’d seen William. When her family was distracted, she wandered further into the mansion, looking around for him. She ended up upstairs, which felt a little wrong because nobody was on the second floor. When she turned the corner, she heard his voice. He sounded angry, but Charlotte couldn’t imagine why. She tiptoed up to the door, but his voice was too muffled to make it out. She placed her hand on the doorknob.
* * *
Everything had been going perfectly until a beautiful figure cornered William in the dimly lit corridor. She wagged her finger, and just like that, he followed her quietly into the study before anyone saw.
Octavia had always had a stern face. She was a classic Grecian beauty with high cheekbones, pale skin, a harsh nose, and a determined slant to her brow. She always knew how to look disappointed. Even before William knew that he had failed, he was certain when she looked at him in this way that he had wronged her.She never did seem to get that terribly sad over anything, unless it really had cut her deep. Now with her eyes looking as forlorn as they did, he was inclined to believe that something actually was hurting her.
Her dress was lilac-colored, contrasting harshly with her dark hair. She held a fan up to her face, flicking her wrist. “You have moved on,” she said, matter-of-factly.
William shook his head, eyes fixed on the ground. “And have you?”
“You had to know how much I have always loved Owen,” she said. But that was hardly true. When she was younger, Owen had expressed his love for her, only to be bitterly rejected. She liked the way being loved made her feel, but she was still too immature to sacrifice anything for its sake. “But it is not what I hoped,” she whispered. “I miss you.”
“How long do you suppose you will love me for?” he asked. She frowned back, knowing exactly what he was implying. He had criticized her before for only loving someone long enough to get them completely devoted before dropping them at the height of their emotion. When she did love Owen, it was only because he had dared to move on. He was a stableboy, and she was enamored by the way that he looked at her life like it was a new world. It was yet another way she had come to create an imbalance of power. Everything about her love was manipulative.
“You are too hard on me,” she said. “I am here with the intention of showing you how much you have meant to me.”
“I mean nothing to you.”
“I miss you. I truly do. Do you still think about me? All the time we shared and the memories we made?”
William shook his head. He would be lying to say he didn’t, but it wasn’t the same anymore. He would sooner pull all his teeth out than subject himself to the torture again. HE recalled a time when he was happy, but now all the memories they had created that had once been so happy were now soured in his head. It was disgusting to think he’d ever given any part of his heart to her.
William had put up with it for years. He given to her without getting anything in turn, he provided for her and she still demanded more. He would have done anything for her because that was what love meant to him. To her, however, love meant something else. Love was akin to worship in a way that always tipped the scales in her favor.
“Are you with her so that you will move on? Because William, I promise you, you do not have to. I do not want you to.”
William shook his head, his nose wrinkling. “I am with her because she is not you. That is precisely the reason.”
She laughed derisively and crossed her arms. She had been so sweet up to this point that the sudden change made a chill run through William. Her capricious nature had always scared him. She could be anyone, she could feel anything, and if you didn’t agree, you were simply in the way. “You do not want me anymore? Am I meant to believe that?”