“Are you okay?” Her face has sunken in over the last year, losing weight like crazy. But she still looks beautiful to me.
“I’m fine, honey. I’m just tired. I bought you something too.” She smiles softly, reaching into her nightstand’s drawer. I watch as she pulls out a blue bottle. “This soap reminds me so much of when I was a little girl. I wanted you to have something to remind you of me when I’m gone.” She hands me the bottle.
“What? Why are you talking like that? You aren’t going anywhere for a long time.” I take the bottle and pop the lid open. “Although, this does smell divine.” There’s a hint of flowers, but not too strong, and something else I can’t quite put my finger on. But I’ve smelled it before.
“I just want you to use the soap until it’s all gone. Okay.” She starts coughing hard, like she can’t breathe. I jump into action and get her oxygen and help her put the nose piece on.
“Okay, Mom,” is all I say. She looks so tired. “You rest, and I’ll be back to read some of this book to you.” I place a soft kiss on her forehead and help her get situated back into bed.
“I love you, Veronica.” She coughs again, trying to catch her breath.
“I love you too, Mom. Sleep well. I’ll see you later.” I pull her door shut and drag my feet back to my room. A few months ago, the doctor thought she was getting better, but something recently has changed. And I don’t think she’s getting better.
I fall onto my bed, pulling a pillow up under my chin, tucking myself in, letting it all out. I’ve cried more in the last year than I have in the rest of my life combined. My heart keeps breaking, and my body continues to ache.
“Ronni.” I hear Dash’s voice, low and soft. “Wake up.” He shakes me softly.
“Get out, Dash.” I throw my pillow at him. The sun's set at this point, and with no school for a week, why not just sleep all evening and night?
“Ronni. Wake up, please.” He pulls on my arm, sitting me up in bed. I sigh, if he’s gonna force me out of bed, he’s gonna have to carry dead weight. I feel him pull me into his lap. “I need you to get up and come with me downstairs.” He lifts my chin up to look at him. When I open my eyes, I see sadness in his.
This pops me to attention. “Where’s my mom?” I ask, pushing away from him.
He stands up off my bed, stabilizing me as I clumsily climb out of bed. “She didn’t wake up from her nap, Ron.”
This isn’t real, he’s trying to be funny. “You can’t joke about this, Dash.” But the look on his face tells me everything I need to hear, I just don’t want to. “You’re lying.” I suddenly feel like I’m trying to walk on water, sinking to the bottom of the ocean. My legs give out as I let out a scream, telling him to stop lying.
He pulls me into his arms, lifting me off the ground up onto his lap. He doesn’t say anything, instead he just holds me as I cry. My heart feels like it’s shattered into a million pieces inside my chest.
“Bring her down.” I hear Darrell’s voice over my cries. Dash lifts me up and carries me, but the second we leave my room, I push out of his arms, falling to the ground. My feet slip over and over again as I try to get to the room where she was just a couple hours ago.
The door stands open as I fumble in, seeing her bed empty. “NO!” I fall to the floor, hitting my knees as I drag my arm down the doorway. This can’t be real, she can’t be gone.
"Ronni," Dash whispers. “I need to get you downstairs.” He lifts me off the ground as I cry harder, flailing in his arms. I want to go to her bed, bury my face in her pillow and never come back up for air.
I fight him, with everything I have, but I’m no match for him. He’s too strong, and I’m too lost in my emotions. He wins, carrying me down the stairs to see Darrell standing there with someone I don’t know. Dash literally hands me over to Colson, who carries me the rest of the way outside. The ambulance is still here. I cry out again, feeling the tears burn my face as my breath catches.
“I’m sorry, Lolli.” He presses his forehead to mine and then helps me into the back of the ambulance. There’s nothing but a black bag laying here. There’s something in the black bag. Is that her? I reach for the zipper, I need to see her.
“Don’t do that, Veronica.” I hear Darrell from behind me. “I pulled a few strings, and they’re allowing us to ride with her, but we can’t open that. You need to just sit back and wait.” He sits down on the bench next to me. “They’ll tell us more when we get there.”
“I just saw her, she was tired, but she was fine.” My sobbing gets worse as they shut the doors and pull away from the house.
“It’s gonna be a long road, Veronica. But, it’ll be okay.” He tries to comfort me, reaching an arm over to touch my shoulder. I lean away, it’s hard to feel comfort right now. Not when my entire world just crumbled.
Part One
Chapter One
When I was five, my mother remarried, and I found myself in a family with two brothers. Mitchell and Dashell. Suddenly changing everything in our lives. Never in a million years would I have thought my life would be anything other than normal.
Mitch is two years older than me, his dirty blonde hair shines in the sun when I watch him run in the mornings. He never sees me, but I always see him. He’s supposed to be off at college, but he’s home for the family.
Dash is barely older than me, but still older. He likes to use his icy blue eyes to glare at me, making me feel like I’m two inches tall. Though, when he’s not glaring, I see the way he watches me. Keeping me under lock and key, metaphorically of course.
Have you ever felt like your world is caving in around you? Well, I'm one week away from the one year anniversary of my mother's death, and I feel nothing. My mind is exhausted, and I’m just tired of everything at this point. It’s as if the switch in my head that creates all my feelings is on vacation, without me.
Do I show the world that I don’t care? No. On the outside, I'm a sweet, good girl who goes to school everyday, and I attend church every Sunday, like the mindless drones expect me to do. But inside, I'm itching to be set free from the bonds of my life.