I look at the floor, trying to hold on to my patience. I’m not very good with it. Never have been. Not even at the best of times, and this isn’t the best time.
“All right, here’s the deal,” I begin, telling it how it is. “I rode my bike most of the night last night to get to this piece-of-shit town. I’m running on very little sleep. My father’s reaction on seeing me for the first time in three years was to ask if I finally came to my senses and crawled back to apologize and ask for money. All my mom said to me was that if I was planning on staying then I needed to play nice and not upset my dad. I needed to show up at the party, drink champagne, smile at people I don’t give a fuck about. All just to show the world how happy they are to have me back.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I should’ve left the moment she came out with the party plan. Anything to make my dad look good. But like an idiot, I stayed. And now I’m cagey. I’m impatient and I’m this close to going on a fucking warpath. So stop talking and let me pass.”
Does Nora listen to it? No.
She gives me the stink-eye, holds onto her tray like a shield and continues like she never heard me. “And you love your mother very much. That’s why it took one phone call, just one, for you to get back. And that’s why you didn’t leave when you should have.”
I grit my teeth and look at the ceiling for a second. “You’re fired.”
She cracks a smile. “Okay. But unfortunately, you won’t be here tomorrow to see if your dismissal took or not. So at least let me get to the point.”
“And what the fuck would that be?”
“My point is that no matter how much you deny it or outright reject it, we’re designed to love our parents. That’s just how it is. It’s unfortunate. Some people don’t deserve our love but that doesn’t mean it will go away.”
“Well, I was designed differently. Now, I gotta go.”
Finally, my words register with her. Her face crumples and I feel a twinge in my chest. I ignore it. It’s not my fault she put her faith in me. I can’t take the fall for people’s mistakes.
Nodding, she says, “I just want you to know that I called you because I didn’t want you to regret not being with her. Years later, I didn’t want you to look back and question your choices made with anger.”
“I won’t.” I don’t know why but I go ahead and add, “I’m not gonna stay in a place where I’m not welcome. I did that for the first eighteen years of my life and it wasn’t pretty. Besides, she doesn’t need me.”
“I know. I know you have bad memories here. I know you don’t owe your mother or your father anything. But as I said, it’s unfortunate. We’re destined to love the people who give us life. I knew you’d want to be here as her son. Not because she needs you. With all due respect, I don’t care what she needs. I only care about you.”
Sometimes when she says these things, I wonder if it’s because she really cares for me or is it because she gets paid for it.
I shake my head and grit my teeth. Even so, the question comes out, “Who’s been taking care of her?”
“I am. Along with a couple of other staff members.”
“And Dad? What’s he doing all day?”
She shrugs. “Meetings. Work. He doesn’t want to acknowledge it.”
I smile bitterly. “Like always.”
“At least stay until the tests come back,” she urges again.
“I fucking hate this place.”
“You’re going to hate yourself more if you don’t stay. I don’t want you to hate yourself. You do that plenty anyway.” I go to say something but she cuts me off. “If you still don’t like it, no one is capable of stopping you, Master Zach.”
“Zach,” I snap. “If you want me to stay here, just call me Zach. And no one can know why I’m staying. I don’t want it plastered all over.”
“That you’re a good son?”
“Don’t test me.”
“Understood.”
I sigh and letting go of the door, I walk back to the bed. My backpack falls to the floor. “And leave the tray.”
Suddenly, I’m ravenous.
I stare hard at the sky that, for all intents and purposes, should be black. It’s fucking midnight. But it looks blue.