"I don't believe a child is the answer," he says softly. "Unless this is you telling me that you would like one."
"I don't think so," I respond. "I mean, I know that we will have to have children one day, you will need heirs."
"Mmm."
"But I don't think I'm ready to be a mother yet. Then again, I suppose I wasn't ready to be a wife either, and yet here I am."
"Is it so bad to be married?" he asks.
"Not to you," I whisper. "Though I do wish we could spend more time together." I don't know where the words come from, but I can't bring myself to regret them. The only way for him to know how much I want this to work is if I tell him. I have to trust in my instincts that we could actually be good together.
His whole face lights up as if I've admitted something he's pleased about. "Truly?"
"Yes, Philip, truly. We spent a lot of time together at balls, and I enjoyed it. Surely we should be doing the same now? Unless the fact we're allowed to be alone together now has ruined the fun."
He chuckles good-naturedly. "The threat of being caught was never the appeal of spending time with you," he assures me.
"Then I see no reason why we wouldn't want to spend that time with one another now."
"Then you'll go to the Swan Dance with me?" There's a hint of hope in his voice, one that I don't want to squash.
"I'd like that," I respond. "But you'll have to find out what I'm expected to wear."
"White," he responds. "Unless you're a black swan shifter." The way he says it suggests that he genuinely has no idea which kind of swan I am. Which makes sense when he's yet to see me in that form.
"I am not."
"Then white, and feathers."
"Ah, nothing like a firm cliché when it comes to dressing."
He chuckles. "I believe the idea is that the whole event shows off everyone at their best, which means extravagance."
"And impracticality."
"That too."
"Would it be too forward to request some of your feathers for my hair?" I ask, fiddling with the fabric of my skirt with my free hand as I ask. "I believe it is customary for the wives of avian shifters to do as such."
He nods. "I believe you are correct. I will see that some are delivered to your room for you."
"Thank you." I look at him, my gaze straying to his lips. We haven't kissed since our wedding, and it's as if we're in a place where we both know thatwe have to build up to it again. It's strange how circumstances can change in the blink of an eye.
But from everything that has happened since we got caught alone together, this conversation is the one that gives me the most hope that we can turn our marriage into something real.
Thirteen
Letitia
I enter the drawing room,disappointed to find it empty when Philip's message said to meet him here. A part of me had been hoping that after our talk by the lake, he was doing something to prove that the two of us could spend more time together, but perhaps that isn't the case.
"Ah, Letitia."
I spin around, bringing myself face to face with Philip. A smile lights up his face, making my heart skip a beat and my mouth to go dry.
He reaches out to steady me, placing a hand on my upper arm. "Are you all right?"
I nod. "I was startled, that is all."