"You could take a lover, once we are wed."
She raises an eyebrow. "I could not. That would bring even more shame and scandal to us both. And it wouldn't be the same. That is not the kind of love I wished for. But I promise, it is of no matter."
"You can still have a love match," I point out. "Lady Ferrington married her second husband for love."
"Ah, yes. But we are friends, My Lord, I do not wish you dead in order to find my own happiness."
I frown, trying not to think about how much Idislike the idea of her being unhappy in our marriage. Especially when the more I think on it, the more I realise that I am not as opposed to the idea as I expected to be.
Taking a wife has been the last thing on my mind for a long while, and yet when I think of living a life with Letitia by my side, the idea of being married doesn't feel so bad.
I have to conclude that she is the part of the situation that is different.
I open my mouth to try and explain my thoughts, but she gestures towards the house before I can.
"I believe your mother wishes for us to return," she says.
I manage a thin smile. "It seems as if she does." Somehow, I doubt this is going to be the last time Mother gets in between the two of us. Hopefully, I'll get to speak to Letitia alone again before the wedding.
If not, then at least we will have time after. No one will be able to refuse us alone time once we are wed.
Seven
Letitia
I smoothdown the fabric of my best dress and attempt to ignore the nerves building up inside me. At least weddings are considered to be private affairs and I am not required to do this in front of dozens of witnesses.
It would help if I had not been kept from Lord Cygnus at every opportunity. If I had managed to talk with him, then I may not feel the same dread I currently am.
Mother fusses with the lace trim of my gown, seeming a little overwhelmed by the emotion of the day.
"You look beautiful, dear," she says. "And to think that by the end of the day, you will be a future countess."
I force a weak smile onto my face. That seems to have been the main thing she has paid attention to the entire time we have been preparing for the wedding, and I must admit that I will be glad that I do not have to endure it again. Though I suppose she likely won't be forgetting my new station soon.
A maid slips into the room and dips into a curtsy. "They are ready for you," she says.
Mother nods and rises to her feet. "You make a beautiful bride," she assures me, leaning in to kiss my cheek.
"Thank you." Despite everything, there is a part of me that is sad to think I will no longer live with her once the ceremony has been completed.
She guides me from the room to where Father is waiting to walk me to the altar. He puffs up his chest proudly and holds out his arm. He hasn't said as much, but I can tell Mother isn't the only one who is pleased with the match I've made, even if they lament the way in which it came to be.
Mother hurries into the church to take her seat.
"Are you ready?" Father asks.
"I suppose I have to be," I murmur.
"We can call off the wedding if you do not wish to go through with it."
"You know we can not," I counter. He is not foolish enough to think that our family could survive slighting the earldom of Swancove, nor could my reputation survive having been caught alone with Lord Cygnus almost embracing.
If I do not go through with the wedding, then there is no future for me in society. And, as little as I wish to be someone's wife, I know that the alternative is much worse.
With nothing else for it, I start to walk beside my father into the church and towards the front where Lord Cygnus and his family are waiting.
I keep my gaze on the floor, not wishing to see a look of distaste or discomfort on my future husband's face as he sees me. Lord Cygnus has told me many times about how little he wishes to marry, and I can't imagine he is feeling particularly excited about today.