I squeal inside, dropping my head back to gaze up at the ceiling in relief. I instantly feel lighter. I actually started ovulating yesterday, I wonder if it’s too soon to ask him to start.
AJ:When do you start ovulating next?
Wow. He’s perfect.
Me:Hey. That’s awesome news
Me:As good fortune would have it, I started ovulating yesterday
Straight away my phone lights up.
AJ:Perfect. I’m free tonight
My heart rate accelerates and my hand shakes. Tonight! I guess it’s great he’s eager, but am I ready? I mean, I know I’m ready, but this feels really fast. I deliberate how to respond. I need to plan this. I didn’t think he’d talk with his sister so soon. I thought I had time to work up the courage to do this with a complete stranger. Well, not a complete stranger, because we got to know each other a little more over coffee, but he’s still a stranger compared to people I’ve known for a long time.
What if he’s been luring me in with his nice guy act but he’s really a creep? I didn’t get that vibe from him, but I have been wrong in the past. Shit! Why is this so hard? He’s offering me my dream and I still need to think it to death. I grasp my hair on either side of my head and tug on it in frustration.
My phone rings in my hand and I jump. Glancing at the screen, AJ’s name is there clear as day. Shit! I don’t know what to say to him. He’s going to think I’m some crazy woman if I can’t get myself together. It rings and rings while I try to gather my thoughts but they won’t cooperate. My mind’s a mess. This is everything I want. This man is offering to make my dream come true with no strings attached. But for some reason, I didn’t think it would happen this month. I figured it would happen next month and I’d have time to plan things properly.
This is not following my plan! Ugh!
The device in my hand goes quiet, the screen going dark. Then the missed call message shows. I blow out a frustrated breath.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I drop into my chair and swivel around to stare out of the window, not really seeing the city skyline I normally adore. My phone buzzes again.
AJ:Sarah? Everything okay?
How do I tell him I had a momentary internal crisis? He’s going to think I’m crazy. And I definitely don’t want him to think that.
Me:Yeah. Everything’s great, just overthinking everything as usual
I delete the last part of the message and change it.
Me:Yeah. Everything’s great, just busy atm
AJ:Okay. Let me know if you want me tonight
Oh my, what an offer. Under any other circumstance, his offer would be totally hot. But for my overthinking brain, it’s too much, too soon. But the sooner we get started, the sooner I’ll get pregnant, right?
Me:Sure
I make myself a coffee and head back to my desk. Only I don’t make it that far.
“Sarah,” Tony calls from behind his desk, so I stop and poke my head in his doorway. “Where did Eric go? I need to speak with him about these figures.”
“He didn’t say. He was in a rush. Said he’ll be back in the office tomorrow.” I shrug, as though it’s nothing out of the ordinary even though it really is.
“Tomorrow!” he bellows. “What the hell is going on with him?” he mumbles.
* * *
My eyes are going fuzzy and the slight pounding at the back of my head is warning enough for me to take a break from the screen. I glance at the time and notice it’s past lunch. I may as well take a quick break and eat my lunch in the break room, something I rarely do. Collecting my phone and water bottle, I grab my lunch out of the fridge. Because it’s past lunch, the room is empty, and the low hum of the fridge is the only noise in the room. I sigh and take the lid off my pre-prepared salad jar, tipping the contents into a bowl. Now that I’m not focused on the database, my mind spins back to AJ’s offer to start on my pregnancy plan tonight.
Maybe it’s best to jump in and get started? We’re both clear on our arrangement, and he seems genuinely interested in helping me achieve my dream. I need someone to talk me through this. I don’t want to call Emma and interrupt her day. I double-check the time. Mel may be available.
Me:Have you got time to talk?