But what happened in the past was important. It changed the trajectory of my life. It put me into a grief that I’d never recovered from. How could he think that talking about it would simply make all that go away?
"Sam." Drew's voice was stern, as a father talking to his son might be. "Back off."
Sam lifted his hands in surrender and backed away.
At the knock on the door, he walked over to it. "This is probably your ride.” He picked up the bag he’d dropped during the course of our discussion, if that's what it could be called, and headed to the door.
He jerked it open. "Are you here for Kate Wheatly?"
The man nodded. "To the airport, right?"
"That's right." Sam thrust my bag at him. Then he turned to look at me.
"You can now make your grand exit. Go ahead and walk out of here with all your righteous indignation and know that you have succeeded in crushing me."
He turned and started for the stairs. "Give me a minute, and I'll take care of those potatoes,” he said to his mom. Then he took the stairs two by two until he disappeared.
I stood in the foyer like a deer caught in the headlights.
I looked over at Juliana and Drew who gaped. At least I wasn't the only one who felt discombobulated.
Finally, Juliana stepped toward me. "Is what he said true? Are you here because you want to hurt him?"
I suppose it made sense that his mom would be on his side.
"He never stopped loving you, Kate. Not ever. Yesterday was the happiest I'd seen him in over five years." Her expression was kind, yet sad. It heightened my guilt.
But this wasn’t my fault. I mustered all that indignation that Sam accused me of having. "I was the happiest I'd ever been five years ago, too.”
"He's regretted that." She tilted her head to the side. "There's no room in your heart to forgive him?"
"I can't trust him."
"Because Sandra came here today?" she asked.
"He gave me the impression that they weren't together."
"First of all, they're not together. They haven't been since the summer before their senior year in college." Drew's eyes narrowed quizzically like he was trying to figure me out.
Juliana’s expression was gentle. "Sam says you wouldn't let him explain to you what happened. Everything might make more sense to you, especially after today, if you would listen to him."
I looked down, knowing what I was about to say was immature. "It doesn't change the choice he made. "
"No, but you might want to consider the choice you're making today. You have a second chance here. I know that it can be hard to trust again. Drew and I have a similar story to you and Sam, only in my case, I had twin boys when Drew and I reconnected. It wasn't easy. It was scary. But through talking and forgiveness, we have a beautiful life. You can't forgive him?"
I shook my head.
"Forgiveness is hard," Drew said. "I know it took a long while before Sam forgave Sandra."
My head snapped up, wondering what he meant.
"Because he was able to do that, we are a bigger and happier family now. What Sam learned, and I hope you will learn soon, is that holding on to your anger and refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and hoping it will hurt the other person. In the end, it only hurts you."
"I don't know about that. It’s definitely hurting Sam.” Drew looked toward the stairs.
I refused to feel guilty about that. I refused to let their words seep in. I took a breath and straightened, pulling all my strength inward. "Thank you very much, Mr. and Mrs. Clarke, for having me. I’m sorry I have ruined your Thanksgiving."
For a moment, I thought she might try to encourage me to stay, but then Sam appeared at the top of the stairs and of course, her loyalty had to be with him. They both stepped back, and I hurried to the door. It wasn't until I was in the car and we’d driven half a block that the tears began to flow.