"You hungry?" he asked as we got ready to leave.
I shook my head. "You didn't get anything from the kitchen during your shift?"
"I was too busy impressing the crowd. There's a 24-hour diner not far from here."
I was tired and wanted to go home. "I tell you what. You can stop by my place, and I'll make you something to eat as payment for tonight."
He grinned. "Even better."
Once at my house, I made him a grilled cheese sandwich. I wasn’t hungry, but I wouldn’t mind dessert, so I got a bowl of ice cream.
We sat on the couch, and Sam found the remote, turning on the TV and flipping through the channels, landing in the middle of a movie. It reminded me of the Christmas movie about the man who wished he were never born and is shown what the world would be like had he not been born.
This one, however, was about a man full of regrets and discovering how his life might've been different had he made different choices.
"It would really suck to live with the kind of regret he's having to endure," I said, scooping the last bit of ice cream from my bowl and then setting it on the coffee table.
"It's not easy, that's for sure." Sam had long since put his plate on the table and had been sitting quietly next to me.
"It sounds like you’re talking from experience?"
He slanted his gaze at me, his brows lifted. Only then did I realize what I'd said.
"I live with the regret of walking away from you every fucking day."
We had achieved a friendship, a camaraderie, and I didn't want to ruin it by bringing our past between us again. I turned, looking forward, watching as the movie credits rolled.
He reached over, picking up the remote and flipping off the TV. Then he turned his body to face me. "I should've handled everything differently. You'd even given me the solution, but I was too stupid and afraid. And because of that, guilt and regret are my constant companions."
I sat looking straight forward, my body rigid and tense, not wanting to let go of the last little bit of protection I had against this man. "Guilt and regret don't change anything."
"No. I guess they don't. But if I had a chance to do it again, Kate, I would've followed through on our plans. I would've taken you to New York and married you. I could have done that and still done the right thing by Sandra."
I closed my eyes and shrugged, trying to make it seem like it was no big deal anymore. "Well, it's too late for that now."
His finger hooked under my chin and turned my face toward him. I kept my eyes closed because I knew if I looked into his green eyes, I would be lost to him.
"Kate."
My eyes fluttered open.
"As long as I have breath, it will never be too late."
CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE
Sam
The way I behaved around Kate was like being on a tightrope. It was a delicate balance between letting her know she could trust me without freaking her out by pushing for too much, too fast.
After all, she’d only agreed to a sexual affair. But ever since the day we spent together, and especially since the night we watched the movie together, there’d been a subtle shift in her. Her resistance was still there, but not strong as it had been before. I truly believed she was slowly letting me in. I just couldn’t fuck it up by doing something to make her close up.
There were still topics we hadn't broached, which was basically anything in the past. That meant I still hadn't told her everything about Sandra and Chelsea.
Not that I hadn't tried.
A couple of times, I started to lead the conversation in that direction, but the minute we got close to talking about the past, Kate would close up. I wished I understood why the topic was so scary for her. Was it because it was so painful? It was a reminder of how much I’d hurt her. I had hurt myself, but it had to have been worse for her.
By the time the friends’ Thanksgiving dinner came up, Kate was allowing me to act like we were dating, which meant I could pick her up instead of her insisting on meeting me.