I really wished he'd stop pushing the fact that he wanted me back because it was so hard to resist the yearning to grab hold of him.This was the guy who demolished your heart, I kept chanting so that I wouldn't give in.
"Does that mean you’ve never sowed your oats? Have you gone from Sandra back to me—”
His eyes hardened. "Sandra and me —"
"I don't want to hear it.”
"Jesus, fuck, Kate."
"Just answer the question, Sam. You only have relationships with women?"
His green eyes bore into me. "I haven't been in a relationship since you. I’ve told you that. It's always been you."
His tone was angry in stark contrast to his words. I was glad for it because his words were very difficult to ignore. What woman could resist hearing they’re the one and only?
But it didn’t matter. What mattered was doing right by Sandra and Chelsea.
To keep my wall fully intact, I said, "Does that mean you’ve only had hookups since me? Does Sandra know she was just a hookup?"
He looked away for a moment. “If you’d hear me out about Sandra.”
“What for? It doesn’t change anything. And you’re avoiding the question.”
He glared at me. “Yes, I’ve fucked other women since you. But this thing between us, you and me, is not a hookup. Why can't you see that?"
"I don't trust you." How many times did I have to tell him that? "I don't trust anyone. Not anymore."
His brow furrowed, his head jerking back. "You don't trust anyone? What about your brother?"
I let out a ragged breath. “I trust him and Lucy. But even they have tested that.”
When I learned that Ethan and Lucy’s marriage wasn’t just on paper and that they were having a relationship, I was hurt. It was weird that my brother and best friend were fucking, but that wasn’t what bothered me. It was that they kept it from me. “But I’ve since forgiven them.”
"But you can't forgive me?"
I gaped at him, wondering how he could be so dense. "You promised to love me forever and then walked out on me to marry Sandra and to be a happy family with her and your child."
His hands went to his hips again as he looked down and shook his head. "That's not what happened."
Rage filled me. I wanted to pummel him, and I might have if he weren’t still naked. There was no way I was going to touch his bare chest, even if it was to punch him.
"You're telling me that the day Sandra showed up and told you that you were a father, you didn't tell me that you had to do the right thing and left me?"
His shoulders sank and his head dropped. "Yes, I did do that. It was the biggest mistake of my life. But what happened between me and Sandra—"
"What part ofI don't want to knowdon't you understand? I don't care what you did when you walked out on me. And while I'll admit the sex is good, there won't ever be any more than that between us."
"So, that’s what you want? Fine. I’ll take it."
I looked at him quizzically, not sure what he meant.
"Just sex. No strings. I get that you won't ever trust me again. But let's face it, the sex is good. So, let's do that."
I studied him, not believing that he was willing to settle for that. "That's not what you want."
He shrugged. "I want whatever you’ll give me. It's not like it's a hardship, having sex with you."
I suppose his words were a compliment, but they didn't feel like it. What I needed to say was no, but I couldn’t form the word. “Let me think about it."