"Here’s your baby."
Kate and I both studied the screen. I felt a little bit like an idiot that I couldn't make out a baby. A flash of panic ran through me. If I couldn’t discern my baby, how was I going to be a good father?
The doctor pointed to the screen. "Here's the head. Here's the body. This fluttering thing here is the heart."
And just like that, I saw my child. I looked at Kate as awe filled my chest, bringing tears to my eyes. Kate laughed and cried at the same time.
"Would you like to hear the heartbeat?" the doctor asked.
We both nodded, unable to speak from the magnitude of what was happening.
The doctor poked another button on her machine, and the room filled with a fast paced, fluttery sound.
I looked down at Kate, marveling that she was growing a person inside her. "You’re fucking amazing, Kate."
She laughed. "You had something to do with this."
My contribution felt entirely inadequate.
She squeezed my hand, and I looked at her. "You loved me. I loved you. From that, we made this baby."
How my heart hadn’t exploded out of my chest, I didn't know. It was filled with such love it was beyond anything I'd ever felt before. As far as I was concerned, Christmas had come a day early.
Of course, we showed off the sonogram picture to everyone at Dane and Bridget’s party that evening. Most of them already had kids, so I was pretty sure they were indulging us.
But in my mind, what Kate and I had done was a fucking miracle. And it wasn't just the baby that was a miracle. It was a miracle that she and I were here together, having found our way back after I'd made the worst decision of my life.
When we arrived home, I took Kate's hand and walked her over to the Christmas tree that we had gone out together to find and decorate. I might have settled for buying a fake tree, but then Kate had told me that she had never decorated a tree.
Growing up, it was something that the servants of the house always did. It was a reminder that Kate didn't have a loving childhood like I had. Sure, she had her brother, and I knew Ethan did all he could, but she'd still missed a lot, and it was now my job to give her everything, including traditional Christmas rituals.
I turned on the lights of the tree, leaving the living room lights off. The lights sparkled and danced along the window and in the room. I tugged Kate down on the couch, reclining back slightly and pulling so her back was lying on my chest as we looked at the tree.
"This is our first real Christmas together," I said, bending down and kissing the top of her head.
"I guess it is. In our senior year in college, you went back home with your family." She tilted her head and looked up at me. "What did you get me for Christmas?"
I gave her a Cheshire grin. "You'll have to wait until tomorrow."
She turned in my lap until she was lying over me. "I've heard that lots of families open one present on Christmas Eve. Maybe we can have that tradition."
I thought about it and decided why the hell not? "Santa hasn't come yet."
She arched a brow, and I laughed, leaning forward and kissing her brow. "Let me up, and I will go get your present. I'll meet you back by the tree."
Her face lit up, and it was like a gift. I was going to make it my mission to have her smile like that every day.
I went to our bedroom and dug in the back of my sock drawer, pulling out the small box and shoving it in my pocket. As I walked back to the living room, I rolled my shoulders and worked to keep tension away from my neck. I blew out a breath to ease the nerves.
When I found her, she was sitting on the floor by the tree, staring up at it like she'd never seen one before. I went over and sat down next to her, pulling her until she was sitting in the V of my legs.
"When I went to the party to celebrate Ethan's promotion and I saw you, it was like my heart started beating again. I knew at that time that my chances of your forgiving me were less than nothing, and yet hope filled me that I could have the love and happiness that I'd had five years ago. I wanted to give you everything that I had promised and stupidly taken away."
She gave me a sweet smile, leaning forward and giving me a soft kiss. "And you are."
I swallowed. "I want to do it today and tomorrow and for all the days, Kate. Forever." I handed her the box. She gasped and looked at me and then at the box. I flipped the lid open, exposing the ring inside.
"Oh, my God, Sam."