Thingsareawkward, however, when I go into work the next day. Garrett doesn’t avoid me, but the nice easy vibe that always existed between us is missing. Should I have anticipated the possibility that having sex with him could screw up our friendship?
I refuse to allow myself to believe that that’s what’s happening between us, but when he conveniently has a meeting scheduled during the time we usually go to lunch, I feel sick to my stomach and lose my appetite.
During a lunch break where all I do is scroll on my phone, I receive notification that money has been deposited into my account from Lindsey. It’s only half of what Garrett told her she owed me, but I’m encouraged that she’s sent this much so promptly.
When I see Duke for the short period of time our schedules overlap, I ask how I can transfer the money to him to pay him back for the guitar, but he refuses to take it.
“I was glad I could be there to help you when you needed it. Consider it a gift, and forget about it,” he says, the bright white of his shirt making me want to touch his skin to see if it's as warm as it looks.
“I can’t do that. Besides, the fact that we got together right after makes me feel funny about it, like I’m accepting a gift in exchange for sex.”
His look of anger as he cuts me off is almost frightening. “Don’t say that. That’s not what I mean, and I should be able to help you if I want to. You’ll need that money.”
“I’d still like to pay you back, but I will need money for a down payment on a new apartment.”
He’s still frowning when he says, “You can stay here as long as you like. The room is yours.”
As the days pass, I find myself hoping that the men will invite me into their beds, but they don’t. They’re friendly and they spend time with me when we’re home at the same time, but they don’t mention what we shared. To them, it’s as if it never happened, which is heartbreaking.
The same isn’t quite true at the office. Garrett and I do go to lunch together occasionally, and the things we talk about are the same as they were before everything happened, but I can see in his eyes that it’s still on his mind as much as it is on mine.
As if the universe is confirming my decision not to continue to be involved with the men, three things happen in one day: Garrett’s promotion is announced to the entire office and he officially becomes my boss; Trevor and Adrian find out that they’ve been accepted for the fire academy in Raleigh, which is three hours away; and Kelly contacts me to tell me she has a good lead on a new apartment nearby, and to ask if I’d like to move in with her.
It’s torture seeing the men around the house, and even when they’re not around, I still remember the things we did together in the house, so I quickly agree to look at the apartment with Kelly the next day, and within a week’s time, she and I have signed a lease and are moving in together.
Duke, Trevor, and Adrian help me move my things, and they reassemble my bed and help Kelly with her furniture, too. She and I buy pizza and beer to thank them, and I’m sad as I eat because it feels like the last meal I’ll probably share with them.
I try once again to pay Duke back for the guitar, but he won’t take the money. The men each hug me goodbye, saying they hope they see me around. Trevor and Adrian tell me I should come to the club before they leave, and I tell all three of them to keep in touch, though it seems unlikely at this point.
And then they’re gone.
It’s always strange sleeping in a new place for the first time, but my first night in the new apartment, despite the fact that it’s a perfectly nice place, is the loneliest, saddest night I’ve ever endured.
* * *
Things aren’t all bad.Barrett at Rusty’s books me for more performances, and in all of my free time, I learn a lot of new songs to add to my repertoire.
Lindsey sends the rest of the money she owes me, so I no longer need to worry about having any contact with her. I’m glad that chapter of my life is closed, but it also means putting those four nights I spent with the men behind me, and my heart doesn’t seem to be ready to do that yet.
Kelly invites me to go out with her on at least two occasions, but I turn her down, telling myself that I’ll be ready for the social scene after a little more time passes.
At work, someone new is hired for our department, and Garrett becomes even more professional in his interactions with me. When I ask if he wants to go to lunch, he looks conflicted. “I would like to, but I shouldn’t. We shouldn’t go alone anymore, anyway. I don’t want to appear to be playing favorites.”
“All right. Makes sense.” And it hurts, but I don’t say that part.
When he comes in looking particularly nice one day with a haircut and a new shirt, I can’t help but wonder if he has a date after work. Maybe his experience with me has helped him gain the confidence to ask someone out. I’m glad I got experience, too, but it’s left me not wanting anyone else.
Apparently, I’m not a one-night stand kind of girl.
* * *
When Kelly asks againif I’d be interested in going out with her, I’m ready to say no, but I’m stopped short when she says she’s going to Club Red.
It’s probably getting close to the time Trevor and Adrian will be leaving town, and they had said they wanted me to come to the club. It would be so nice to see them and Duke again. And so painful.
But I can’t really say that I’ve made much progress toward forgetting about them, so what’s the harm in seeing them again?
I don’t know what I’m aiming for when I pick out my shortest, most flattering dress, fuss with making my hair extra smooth, and take two attempts at getting my makeup just right.