“I’m glad it was you,” I say.
“Sorry I didn’t last longer. I wanted to make you come. I just couldn’t —“
“Stop,” I say, cutting him off. “It felt amazing having you inside me, and I kind of like that you didn’t hold back. It made me feel wonderful knowing you were so excited by me.”
He grins as he rubs my arm. “That’s a gracious way to look at it, but you’re right about the excited part.”
I want to tell him that maybe we can try again, now that we both have actual experience, but that’s not part of the arrangement. I could fall for this man — for all of them — and part of me knows that I already have, but maybe everyone feels that way after sex.
He doesn’t say anything either; he just holds me and keeps me warm, and brushes his leg against mine. I’m going to have to figure out how I go back to working beside Garrett and not thinking about how it felt to be with him like this.
Trevor and Adrian come back in wearing sweatpants and no shirts, and join us on the bed. When Garrett lets me go, Trevor hugs me to him from the other side. “Scale of one to ten?” he asks. “One being I never want to think about this night again, and ten, I’m going to erect statues of your phalluses and worship them as my new gods.”
I burst out laughing, and am glad for the emotional release it provides. Without having to think about it, I know I’m a lot closer to the high end of his silly scale, but I say, “I’m not going to put a number on it!”
“Did you have a good time?” he asks in a more serious tone.
“I definitely, absolutely did.”
He hugs me tighter to him and gives me a brief kiss. “Good. I like the sound of that.”
Garrett turns me back in his direction and kisses me next. “I wanted to do this earlier, but figured you’d be able to tell it was me.”
I definitely would have. All of their kisses are unique, along with their taste, their touch. Ugh. I need to stop thinking about all of that.
Duke comes back into the room, still impressively naked, as Adrian touches my shoulder. “Can I ask why you said this is only going to be for tonight? Why just one night?”
I look back at him for a moment before saying, “That would be easier to answer if I still had the blindfold on.”
He tilts his head and blinks at me. “Why?” He quickly adds, “You don’t have to answer; I’m just curious.”
Looking down at my lap, my folded hands covering the area between my legs, I say, “I could easily get attached to all of you, and get my heart broken. Garrett’s about to be my boss, so the possibility of a relationship is off the table. You and Trevor are hoping to move away soon for your fire training, and your work may take you anywhere in the state. Duke, I mean … I don’t know. I just know none of us can be together long term, and it will be a lot easier for me if we stop … being intimate now, rather than getting together several times and then having to stop. Does that make sense?”
Next to me, Trevor nods once. “I can see how that makes sense.”
“You’ve been wonderful friends to me — I really appreciate everything you’ve done — and so that we can stay friends, this needs to be a one-time thing.”
“Okay,” Adrian says softly.
“You’ve all been wonderful. You taught me so much, and I’ll never forget tonight. Everything about it was perfect,” I tell them.
Except for the part about it being over.
Aftermath
41
Autumn
I expect things to be awkward the next day, but they’re not. I actually don’t see much of the men, anyway. Garrett goes back home. Trevor and Adrian go out during the day, and Duke spends most of it in his home gym. At night, the three of them have to work at the club.
I consider going to Club Red — only for about a second, and then I realize how torturous it would be to watch Trevor and Adrian strip off their clothes while moving their bodies the way they do on stage. Actually, it was torturous just watching them walk through the house in their basic everyday clothes when they went out.
I spend the day sorting through my belongings, and getting a week’s worth of work clothes ready. I also look at apartment listings and play my guitar for a while out on the back deck. It’s a ho hum kind of day, but I’m grateful to be staying in a safe place, with all of my things out of Lindsey’s reach.
At night, I go to sleep in the guest room before any of the guys come home. It’s comfortable, but lonely, and my body aches for them. The orgasm I manage to give myself is a faint echo of the powerful releases they coaxed out of my body.
I’m restless and mostly still awake when I hear them come in, and I consider going to find them, but I know it’s best if I don’t sleep with them again. A little pain now is better than a lot of pain later, and if this is a little pain, I don’t want to know what a lot even feels like.