CHAPTER25
Nora Andrews wasthe eighth person today to tell Mia that Joe Johnson was having his annual “over the donut” party today. Mia knew it the moment the radio DJ said that they had finally hit zero degrees after weeks of not seeing it that warm in Landstad.
Looking out at the falling snow, she wondered how many people would show up this year. It was snowing, and it just happened to be Valentine’s Day. Not that it was her favorite holiday, but those in love went all-out for it.
Even on this most romantic of days, she wouldn’t even admit the fact to herself that she was married to Rafferty Brooks. Nor did she admit to herself that she was in love with him. And she was never going to. She wasn’t stupid enough to fall for him.
She had finally made it back home after Mandy’s requested conference call, which Mia had turned into a full-on meeting with all book club members present. Mandy had finally revealed to everyone that she had been pregnant for months, and instead of it ending in the miscarriage she had predicted, she had given birth to a live, healthy baby. Which had made Mia especially happy for her cousin.
By the time she had climbed into bed after the worry and excitement from the day, she was suddenly swamped with emotions of how she had treated Rafferty. Admittedly, she had spent seven hours on her cousin’s couch, just letting the guilt overwhelm her. By the time Rafferty had knocked on the door, everything was his fault, and she had let him have it. Inaccurately.
It had all beenherfault. Mia, herself, should have just admitted that she had been consumed by their relationship and had let everything else take second place, or maybe last place. If she hadn’t hidden it from everyone, she could’ve been there for her cousin and anyone else she hadn’t had time for over the last two weeks instead of avoiding everyone.
Looking back, she knew she should have just asked about the rumors about the blonde, but at the time, all she could feel was embarrassed. Embarrassed that she wasn’t enough to keep him happy, embarrassed that she had let herself be with him when she knew how it would end, embarrassed that she had let herself believe she was the kind of woman he would want. Mousy, plain Mia Lawson.
For hours that day, she had let herself dwell on that spring day almost half a lifetime ago when for one brief night, she had let herself believe that Rafferty Brooks would be interested in her. Her, who worked at the café every day after school to earn much needed money. The same Mia Lawson who got straight As without even trying and wore the big glasses because her parents couldn’t afford a nicer pair. Plain Mia Lawson, who was overweight and unpopular.
It was prom night, she had no date, and he had gone with Gaby McIntosh. Gaby was a senior and active with the boys in school, so it was no surprise when her date was a recent graduate from Landstad High. It had broken Mia’s heart a little since she’d had a crush on Rafferty since the eighth grade.
So, when the girls started to make fun of Mia and her not quite sexy hand-me-down dress, she decided she’d had enough and would just go home early. Leaving the school during prom was against the rules, but Mia didn’t care. She was done. It was the last school dance she would attend.
On her way to her car, Rafferty had caught up to her and talked to her for the first time. They had spent almost an hour leaning against her car, talking about the school and shared memories. Future plans of getting out of Landstad and being adults.
How they went from talking to kissing, Mia still didn’t know, and how they made it to the nearly empty apartment above his dad’s insurance office was also lost to passion and time. The rest of the night was seared into her memory, not to be replaced until she was back in his bed all these years later.
Back then, when she had woken up, she was alone. He was gone without a trace, and she wouldn’t hear from him for six years. Not until he came back to town to work with his dad. Then he didn’t acknowledge that he had taken her virginity that night or spent a moment with her.
And she never acknowledged that he took her heart that night and never gave that back. Even now, he carried it around, not even caring that he had it. And no matter what she did, she never got it back.
But she had stopped trying over the last year, only admitting to herself deep in the lonely night that she would never need it again anyway. It was his for the keeping. And she had messed it all up.
As he paid for his cheeseburger and onion rings, Lane Hanson became the ninth person to tell her of the party that she would not attend this year. This was one of her favorite parties, but this year, she didn’t have the heart for it. Rafferty had that.
Valentine’s Day was her most hated holiday in her perpetual singlehood. This year it seemed everyone was paired up. Not only were Ruth and Anderson out of town, but Natalie and Hazel and their men were going to Grand Forks for supper. Mandy was still in the hospital with her premature baby, and Tess and Math were spending the night with their kids, leaving Mia alone. Not that any of them noticed. They never did.
In fact, nobody ever noticed. Everyone always just assumed she was doing something with someone else. But she rarely was. Her nights were mostly spent in front of the TV and going to bed early so that she could get up early for work. All alone.
It was late afternoon, and she was trying to get her aunt Dolly off her back about finding a nice boy to settle down with, like Mandy and her sister Kit had done recently. Though Mia was surprised that neither sister pointed out that the Nordskov sisters had found love for the second time this time around, they usually did.
Dotty was sitting across from her, agreeing completely with her big sister about the state of Mia’s love life. Or lack of love life, which was more true.
“You just have to put yourself out there,” Dolly told her with an authority she didn’t deserve since she had no part in any of her kids finding love.
“How much more out there should I be? I work here,” Mia pointed out.
“I guess more. This isn’t working, Mia. Look at Mandy. She looked a little and found Hue,” Dolly gloated.
She rolled her eyes at her aunt’s words. Since Mandy and Hue had always known each other and lived across the hall from each other when they fell in love, that meant Mandy had only looked a little. Not that she begrudged her cousin even a little, but it was not the same.
“Have you looked online? I hear that’s how the young people are finding each other these days,” her own mother stated.
“No, Mom, I have not,” Mia said, as if Landstad and its surrounding towns had some hidden bachelors who were only on the internet. Besides, Mia had checked out the popular site, and there wasn’t anyone worth joining for.
“You should try it,” Dolly said.
At the front of the restaurant, the door opened, and her husband walked in, right in the middle of her mom trying to find her a man. What would her mom say if she told her she didn’t need a husband because she already had one? But instead, she bit her lip and watched him talk to another waitress.
“I’ll pay for it, Mia. If you don’t want to,” her mom was saying about online dating as she watched Rafferty give the waitress a pink bag. Her new young waitress, who wasn’t even nineteen yet. Was he dating her? She hadn’t heard he was seeing anyone, not that she was paying attention. But her own waitress?