* * *
Sitting with my knees pulled up to my chest, my arms wrapped around them and Shadow pressing into my side, I’ve been lost to my own spiraling thoughts since the others got home. Travis hasn’t let me out of his sight, like he thinks I’m going to run to the police and confess everything.
They wouldn’t tell me anything until they cleaned up and got changed, but their silence told me enough.
I just don’t know what happens now.
Do I go to the police? It was self-defense after all, but who is going to believe me?
Shadow whines as he adjusts himself, pressing his nose into my neck, and the wall of ice I’ve put up to try and keep myself in check cracks a little. I suck in a shaky breath before pressing my forehead against the top of his, and scratching between his ears. "It’s okay, little guy."
The three of them appear at the bottom of the stairs and Travis hands out coffee to everyone, filling my now-empty hot chocolate mug before they come and sit on the couches. Asher sits beside me, Sawyer and Cole sit opposite, while Travis remains standing by the fireplace.
"How you holding up, Sunshine?" Sawyer asks softly as he leans forward, his elbows on his knees, his forehead scrunched with concern.
I shrug and take a sip of my coffee, barely able to taste it, but it's scolding hot, and that's about all I want to feel right now.
Pain keeps me sober and my emotions locked down.
Pain is my friend. Always has been.
“Can you tell us what happened?” Cole asks quietly as he mirrors Sawyer's stance. I glance over at Travis, who is watching me intently, but he doesn’t say anything.
I take a deep breath and tell them what I can. “Honestly, I don’t remember much. I was reading in the library when the storm hit, and I was so worked up that I went out into the storm. They’re a weird love of mine. Not important, but whatever.” Pausing to take a sip of my drink, I distract myself from the reality of what happened by fussing over Shadow. “I was out screaming into the storm, it was so dark and loud that I didn’t notice he was there until he was on top of me. I tried to run…”
My voice shakes and Asher reaches over to squeeze my thigh. I take another deep breath, trying to calm myself, but it’s impossible to hide my shaking hands.
"But I tripped. Everything after that is a bit patchy. I just remember him being on top of me. Choking me," I say, rubbing my throat. "I tried to get him off of me, but he was too big. Too strong. All I remember is thinking I had to fight, and then there was a rock… then there was his dead weight on top of me, and I called you."
The four of them look at each other, a silent conversation happening before my eyes.
"Do you know why Noah wanted you dead?" Travis finally asks.
I shake my head. "I have no idea. He said some shit, but none of it makes sense. I thought he was just my professor, that he disliked me for whatever Sawyer said to him at the start of the semester… I never thought…"
I trail off again and try to swallow around the lump in my throat.
"Where is the body?" Travis asks, and Cole turns to face him.
"Buried. The rain should have washed away most of the DNA, but we burned the body in the hole just in case."
I blink rapidly, trying to process what he just said.
"We need to burn our clothes from tonight, just to be sure, get the cars detailed, make sure there are zero traces linking us to him."
Asher stands up and stretches. "I’ll jump on the cameras, make sure nothing was picked up and scrub what I need to."
"I can go to his place, see if I can find anything that might link him to Briar," Sawyer says, standing too.
"Wait!" I shake my head, trying to make sense of this. "Why? Why would we cover this up? I didn’t do anything wrong. He attacked me."
Cole turns to face me, frowning. "He’s a beloved tenure professor at one of the most elite colleges in the country. You are you. From the outside looking in, who would you believe was at fault? Add that on top of Chase’s campaign and you being linked to my family, there was no way we could let the police handle this officially. We have friends in the department, but you need to trust us, this is the best way to handle it."
My eyes go wide and I squeeze my hands together, trying to stop the tremors.
"This can’t be the best way," I murmur. "If someone finds out, we’re going to look even more guilty. You guys didn’t need to do this for me. Now you’re in it just as much as I am. Holy shit." My chest tightens as panic rises and I struggle to breathe.
This can’t be happening.