It might be easier not to, to just give it to the guys so all my shit is out on the literal table, but the thought of that makes my stomach churn again. So instead of leaving it on the table, I grab it and run it upstairs, dropping it onto my bed.
Once we’ve dealt with this nightmare, then I can think about dropping the entirety of my past at their feet.
I head back downstairs and make myself a hot chocolate with all the trimmings, including extra syrup, because I have a feeling I'm going to need the sugar to get through this conversation.
As I'm putting the finishing touches on, the front door opens and the twins enter, along with all the dogs. Shadow dives at me, almost pulling Asher’s arm off as he yanks on his leash.
I only just manage to catch the now-somewhat-giant bundle of excitement that launches himself at me. I laugh when I stumble backwards as his weight hits me and smush my face against his.
"You're getting way too big for this now, buddy," I say sadly, but obviously he doesn't understand and just looks at my face because this now-somewhat-big puppy still seems to think he's small enough to fit in my arms.
But for right now, I'm not going to stop him doing that. Even if my knees do want to give out under the weight of him.
I pop him back down and love on the rest of the puppies while the adults just watch me for a moment before walking to their beds in the lounge area.
The twins are talking, so I sort out the food bowls for all of the dogs before grabbing my hot chocolate and making my way back to the couch.
"And where do you think you're going?" Sawyer calls out before striding toward me and lifting me off the couch. He holds me tight in his arms and I melt against him, my head against his chest.
"I wasn't going anywhere," I tell him. "I was just getting comfortable."
"Well you can get comfy right here," he says before moving to sit on the couch and pulling me down onto his lap. He wraps his arms around my waist from behind and I lean back against him, cradled between his legs.
Asher sits by my feet, lifting them into his lap before starting to rub them, and I swear I want to purr like a goddamn cat. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah." I smile softly but then shake my head. "Actually, no, not really, but I will be. Have you guys talked to your dad since he dropped me off?"
"No, we saw your message before he texted to let us know you were home. We wanted to hear what you had to say before we spoke to him."
I tilt my head back against Sawyer’s shoulder. "Yeah, okay, that makes sense. Once the other two are here, I'll start spilling the beans."
"That's fine by us," Sawyer says as he grabs the remote, turning on the TV and drowning out the sound of the dogs munching away on their food in the kitchen.
Another five minutes pass before Cole bursts through the door and strides to where we're sitting, lifting me out of Sawyer's arms and wrapping me up in a hug of his own. He doesn't say anything, instead he just holds me in a bear hug so tight that I almost can't breathe. But there's comfort in it, so I don't say anything. I just hold him back until he releases me.
"I need to go shower, but I'll be done before Travis gets here. Don't start without me."
I smile as he echoes Travis' earlier words, before reaching up on my tiptoes and kissing his cheek.
"I promise."
He cradles my face in his hands, kissing me with so much passion that it makes my toes curl.
"That's more like it," he says when he pulls back, and I just stand there kind of dumbfounded as he strides away from me.
I blink at his back as he walks away because, while my thing with the twins is out in the open and I know I have slept with all four of them at this point, we haven't really talked about how all of this is going to work.
I'm aware that now isn't the time to be having that conversation, either, because we have so much going on, but if Cole’s kissing me like that in front of them, I have to assume that they've had a conversation without me.
I push the thought to the back of my mind, no matter how much the distraction feels tempting, and move to sit back on the couch.
Sawyer pulls me back between his legs, so that I'm leaning back on his chest, and Asher grabs my feet again, putting them in his lap. We sit in silence, half watching the TV while waiting for Travis to get back and Cole to finish in the shower. I have no idea how all of this is going to go. I have a feeling that saying the words out loud about Crawford potentially being my dad are going to be more explosive than I ever could have imagined.
We don't have to wait long before Travis gets home and Cole comes down from his shower. They take their seats in the chairs by the couch. Nobody says anything, but they all look at me expectantly. So I open my mouth and just let the words of the day spill out.
Walking them through the constant questioning that I went through, and all of the insanity, right up to Thomas coming in and saving the day. I leave out the part about Crawford and the DNA because I'm still not sure how to say the words out loud.
"None of this makes any sense," Travis says. "If Crawford's DNA is the one that's on the bodies, why is your name linked to it?"