I know that her mom has all of these wants and needs, that she thinks that this life is all of her dreams coming true, but eventually she'll start to discover the truth of who my father really is. He might seem soft and loving right now, but the honeymoon period will end. Even with her carrying the next Kensington inside her. Life will change once she pops the kid out, because then she has the expectation too, and if that kid isn't a boy, my father's archaic ways will just become even worse, despite the fact that he already has an heir.
A small part of me wants it to be a boy, because then I can abdicate the fake throne that he's put me on and let somebody else deal with the pressures that come with the Kensington name. Maybe then, if he has another heir, I can finally live my life the way I want to. Maybe then I can be the person I’ve always wanted to be. The person I was before my mom died. Right now, any semblance of that is nothing more than a dream. A whisper in the wind. A wish upon a star from a foolish little boy who still cries for his mom to come back and save him.
But I’m not that kid anymore, and I already know that even if the baby is a boy that my father would accept, I’d never put this shit on anyone else. It’s just not who I am. It’s why I’m trying so hard to save Briar from it.
Why couldn’t she have just been a money-grabbing skank? That would have made all of this much easier.
But no, she had to be someone with as many shadows as I have, and like calls to like.
So now I need to save her too. Because maybe in saving her, I can save myself.
* * *
The car ride to my dad’s is silent and so thick with tension, you could cut it with a knife. Briar is wedged between the twins in the backseat with Cole up front beside me, and I've white-knuckled the entire journey. As much as I love my grandfather, I already know that my prick of a dad is going to be on major high alert because my grandfather is in town, which means that while Pops being here gives me some breathing space, it also doesn't. Because Dad is going to be twice as hard on me as he usually is.
This plan could completely backfire, and I’m already thinking up contingencies, but my grandfather also called me this morning to tell me that he needed to speak to me about the ‘family business’, so, I already know tonight is going to suck.
I haven't told anybody else about the call from my grandfather, because everybody's dealing with enough bullshit right now as it is, and the family business is my own cross to bear.
Once I’m through the gates of the property, it's like the tension goes up tenfold and it feels like I can hardly breathe as I pull into the underground garage and shut off the engine.
The car falls completely silent as the music stops playing.
"Just remember what I said, try to play everything as cool and calm as you can. Don't talk about the engagement and let us handle my father," I say to Briar as I glance at her in the rearview mirror. She looks up at me with her hands clenched in her lap. Other than that, she looks cool and collected.
"Yeah, I know what you said, I'm just going to try and hang out with Tobias in the kitchen. You guys can go up and deal with all of the crazy family drama. The longer I can go without seeing my mom and dealing with her personal brand of batshit, the better."
I keep my eyes on her for another beat before climbing from the car, the doors closing echoing around the cavernous space. Some people might look at this place and think that it's wonderful, that the space and the luxury of it makes me lucky.
If only they knew the horrors that haunted this house. They would probably run away screaming if they knew the truth of everything.
We make our way through the basement level, and I can practically feel the air around us all change to that masked energy as we head up the stairs to the main level.
When we get into the kitchen, the twins hand Briar over to Tobias, who is well aware of the situation and my plans. They handle her with such care, it makes my insides twist. I don't give myself a chance to stop and take in the warmth of the greeting that Tobias gives her.
I barely allow myself to smile at him as I walk straight through the room, heading toward the rest of the house, because I need to steel myself against what's coming for the rest of the night.
I don't have to turn around to know that Cole is behind me, and as we start walking up the stairs toward my father's office, I know the twins fall into line behind us too.
"Are we sure this is a good idea?" Cole asks as the soles of my shoes echo on the wooden stairs.
"We don't have any other option," Sawyer responds to him. I could try to reassure them, but my mouth is dry and my hands are clammy. My thoughts are racing as my heart hammers in my chest at the thought of everything that could potentially go wrong tonight. My grandfather has always been resolutely against the whole political marriage thing. It's why Chase hasn’t tried to marry me off yet. And it's that thought that has me second guessing my approach with my pops.
The last eight years since my mom died, Chase has tried all sorts of weird and whimsical plans to gain him more money and give him more footing and build his platform, but my grandfather has always stepped in and put his foot down.
Maybe if I tell Pops what she means to me…
I shake my head. That isn’t going to work, my pops might be open minded, but I’m pretty sure even he draws the line at being with my stepsister.
I sigh, trying to work out how I can get my pops to help me against my dad once more. I'm not sure how much longer he’s going to be here to help me deal with all of this, but I’m hoping it’s a long-ass time. He’s stubborn as a bull and I’m almost sure that he would fight death every single day if he had the opportunity, but no one can escape time.
I see it every time I meet with him now, the fragility that grows on him with each passing day.
"There you are, my boy!" Pops’s voice reaches me as we enter my father's office, and he strides across the room. All my previous thoughts vanish because he looks younger and more alive than he has in months.
He opens his arms wide and pulls me into a fierce hug, slapping my back for extra measure.
As he pulls back, he examines me closely. "You haven’t been getting enough sleep, Travis, I can see it written all over your face. You're a kid, you're supposed to be enjoying these years of your life."