Every moment Edison has spent in the house, I’ve felt like I’ve gotten one step closer to the gallows. As we gave her a tour, her eyes getting wider with every room. As we made and ate dinner, comfortable conversation flowing between us. As she looked at me and smiled, making my heart feel warm in a way it hasn’t before.
Having her here with us has felt so right.
I hope I don’t ruin it.
Edison sits back and rubs her belly, “This was so good.” She cuts her eyes at me, but there’s a playfulness there I crave to have in my life every day. “I wouldn’t have guessed that you can cook.”
I smirk at her. “That’s all my mom. She was a single mom after dad left, and I needed to step up because she was working so hard. I had to make sure we all had food, including my little sister.”
She perks up. “You have a little sister?”
I nod slowly, knowing this is my chance for the truth to come out. All of it. My stomach twists in knots and I almost wish I didn’t eat so much.
Fuck.
“I do. Maria is a first year.” I swallow hard. “She’s the reason I found you, actually.”
Her eyebrows pull together, her words slow and measured, “I don’t understand.”
Coyle stands up from the table and collects the dishes. I already cleaned up the kitchen because cleaning as you go is fucking key. He gives me a pointed look before he carries the dishes away. I know; I fucking know.
He’s back a few moments later and informs us, “I’ve put the dishes in the sink to soak for a few minutes.” He reaches out a hand for Edison who takes it with a small smile, but it’s a little guarded. I can’t blame her for it. As she stands, he suggests, “How about we have this conversation in the living room where you can get all snuggled up, pretty girl?”
“Okay,” her voice is small and tentative.
It slices through me, but I, somehow, stand. My legs feel wooden as I follow Coyle and Edison into the living room. Killian grabs my shoulder and turns me slightly, his hazel eyes warm and so damn giving that it makes a pang hit my heart.
He kisses me, a barely there brush of his lips, but it speaks volumes. “It’ll be fine. She can take it. She’s ours, just remember that,” he speaks the words quietly.
When I get into the living room, Edison is snuggled into Coyle’s side, and he makes a hand motion telling me I have the floor now. I want to pace, but I fight the instinct and sink down into a chair opposite our girl so she can see my face. I don’t want her to think I’m hiding from this, from her, from the truth.
“I was taking Maria to get moved in the day I saw you the first time. I got this glimpse of you and found my feet moving to follow you. I had to know you. Were you a student? Were you there, like I was, with a sibling? Were you just walking through the campus while on the way to somewhere else? I followed you until you walked into the library and get to work.”
She cuts in, something unreadable in her voice, “At the beginning of the semester?”
“Yes.” I’m not going to lie. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I had been nervous about taking Maria to school, but I was proud to do it. She worked so hard. I’ve always been a little more than her big brother because I’m 12 years older than her and I was scared about sending her out into the world. Mom wasn’t there because I had given her a trip to see the places she always wanted to go but couldn’t afford.”
There’s confusion on her face, I’m sure trying to catalogue how I’m a janitor and able to send my mom on that kind of trip, but she doesn’t voice that question. She’s too sweet to do that.
Instead, she muses, “That was very sweet of you.”
“I’m not a janitor,” I blurt. Her mouth pops open and I run my fingers through my hair. “I mean, I am, obviously. The job is legit. I wasn’t posing as a janitor to get close to you, but I did go and get the job so I could. It’s just not my real job.”
“Your real job?” She parrots the words and tilts her head to the side as she studies me.
The fact that she’s not standing up and running away from me, from us, settles the beating of my heart slightly, but not enough. It still feels like my soul is a moment away from evacuating my body and finding a better host. I couldn’t blame it, I could be setting us up to be hurt, but Edison deserves to know the truth. The entire truth.
“I own and operate a very lucrative tech firm. I work from home and contract out to companies who need my skills. I build systems for them, or I beef up their computer security. I do whatever they need, and I’ve made a damn good living at it.”
“Oh,” Edison breathes out and starts to look around our home with new eyes.
“I wanted something I could do from home at first, as I built my company, because Maria still needed someone to watch her, and mom was still working so much. I needed something that would work for me. It started small. Then I got the right contracts at the right time, and it grew from there. Mom doesn’t need to work as much now, though, when she’s not traveling, she does. Maria’s school is paid for, and she has the opportunity to go and do whatever she wants.”
Edison’s eyes soften when they find mine. “You made a choice to take care of your family, that’s admirable Jude.”
I nod and swallow hard. I was just doing what I thought was right for my family, but her seeing it as something to be praised makes me feel so fucking good.
“When I saw you, things changed. I needed the chance to get close to you. I could tell,” I glance away from her, but then force myself to look back into her big, beautiful brown eyes, “you didn’t let people get close to you easily. It’s why I didn’t just walk up to you and ask you out. I couldn’t risk you turning me down.” I rub my chest, right where my heart beats for her. “I couldn’t stand the thought of not being close to you, not being able to make sure you were safe. So, I applied for a job and the janitorial position was the best fit. When they assigned me to clean the library, it was just chance.”