Sophia
After ten days in the hospital, Damien is finally discharged. He needs a walker thanks to the broken femur, and he can’t really use it well thanks to the broken wrist, but he looks delighted to be home.
Me? I’m happy he’s home, too. I’m thrilled that he’s on the mend. But it also means that it’s time to have a real conversation. One that will shatter us.
I let Damien get settled first. Dr. Aziz wanted to make sure that Damien wasn’t alone for the first week or two, so both Julian and I offered to move in to take care of him. Julian makes lunch, and we eat, and then, after the meal, I broach the subject.
“I need to tell you why I broke up with you,” I mutter, not looking at them. “And I want you to know I’m not making excuses. I’m just trying to tell you what happened.”
“Okay,” Julian says softly.
“The day I did what I did, I found out who got me fired. It was a guy I used to work with. George Turner. He’d overheard the two of you talk about me at IHOP.” My lips twist. “On the drive back, I berated myself for jumping to conclusions. I wanted to tell you about it, so I went to Julian’s. I knew you were both going to be there. I was going to tell you everything.”
Damien looks up. “Everything?”
I swallow hard. “I’m getting there. But when I got to Julian’s, I overheard Damien on the phone.” I glance up at him. “You were talking to Cristiano about Lizbeth. You said you’d ruin her life if she went up against you.”
Something flashes in his eyes.
“The thing is, Denise did that throughout my childhood. She would threaten to wreck our lives if she didn’t get what she wanted. And if she got lawyers involved, my fathers wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing. They were a same-sex couple, and Denise was my biological mother. In the eyes of the law, her rights would trump theirs, every single time.”
They’re both watching me now. Damien is frowning slightly, as if he’s trying to figure out a puzzle. Julian looks intent. Focused.
“I panicked,” I whisper. “If the three of us got together, and I had a child, if something were to go wrong, you could take my baby away from me. You’re rich. You’re powerful. You have good lawyers.”
“I wouldn’t. . .”
“I know. I could have talked to you about it. I could have asked you why you were so angry. But I didn’t. I jumped instantly to the worst possible conclusion. That’s what I do. When things get serious, I look for an excuse to run. I did it ten years ago, and even though I knew you better this time around, I ran again.”
I take a deep, shuddering breath. “I regretted it almost immediately. I wanted to beg you to take me back. But I couldn’t do that, not right away. Not until I could trust myself not to run again.”
I still can’t look up at their faces. “I’ve been seeing a therapist. She’s helping me work through my past.”
“That’s good, right?” Julian asks me, his voice cautious. “Sophia, if you’re asking if we can be together again, I thought the last week would have been answer enough.”
If only it were that easy.
I shake my head. “I still haven’t told you everything. I’m thirty-five and want a baby. I wasn’t meeting the right guy, probably because I left before I could give them a chance, so I decided I was going to find a sperm donor. I should have told you about it, but it was a very new relationship. I didn’t want to spook you.”
A small smile flickers over Julian’s face. “That’s understandable. I’m not saying I would have been spooked, but I’m also not sure how I would have reacted. Things were great between us, but you’re right. It was new.”
Things were great between us. In the past tense, not the present. Does this mean. . .? No. I stop myself before I can go there. I made myself a promise. I would tell them everything. Every damning bit of it.
I think I’m going to be sick. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. “After I broke it off with you, I went ahead with the sperm donor,” I whisper. I stare at my palms. “I took a test last week. I’m pregnant.”
Silence greets my statement. For a long time, nobody says anything. I look up finally, only to see Damien and Julian exchange a glance. “Let me see if I understand,” Julian says slowly. “You’re going to have a baby via sperm donor.”
“Yes.”
“And you want to keep the baby?” Damien asks. “You’re happy about the pregnancy?”
“Yes,” I say again.
Julian slants a look at me. “Do you still want to be with us, Sophia? Or does this baby change things?”
Why are they so calm? Why aren’t they losing their shit? “Doesn’t it?”
“Not for me,” Damien replies. “It doesn’t change a damn thing. I love you, Sophia. I think I’ve loved you for a very long time. There’s nothing in the world that’s going to change that. Certainly not a baby.” He grins. “I would pay good money to see Julian change a diaper.”