“Soph?” Aurora prompts.
“Sorry, I just realized something important. Anyway, Damien worked in that hospital too. He was a management consultant. The board brought his team in to figure out why the hospital was performing so poorly.” I take a deep breath. “I had a pretty big crush on him.”
“You did?”
“You sound like that’s weird.”
“Not weird. It just wasn’t anything you did. I was the one who lost her head regularly over a boy. You were my self-possessed older sister. You and Ben, the two of you were pretty intimidating role models.”
I shake my head. “I’m the last thing from intimidating. Anyway, one evening, I finally summoned enough courage to ask him out. He turned me down. He said he had prior plans. A friend of his was opening a nightclub, he said.”
It had been obvious I was fishing for an invitation, but Damien hadn’t taken the hint. When I got to Xavier Leforte’s club and saw the orgy on the main floor, I figured out why he hadn’t wanted me there. It wasn’t exactly a work-appropriate gathering.
“I followed him to that club,” I continue, ignoring Aurora’s little squeak of surprise. “There, Damien introduced me to his friend Julian. One thing led to another, and we had a threesome.”
“Did they blow you off the next morning?” she asks. “Is that why I’ve never heard of them?”
“No, I did.” It feels so strange to talk about this. I’ve kept this to myself for ten years. “When I went back to work on Monday, Mrs. Caldwell called me in. Somehow, she’d found out that I slept with Damien. She fired me.”
“The fucking bitch,” Aurora says indignantly. “How did she find out?”
“I’ve always thought it was because Damien let something slip. Now, I’m not so sure. It doesn’t matter anymore.” I take a deep breath. “They came back into my life, Aurora, and I still want them. And I think they want me too. We slept together Saturday night, and it wasn’t just as good as I remembered. It was better.”
My sister is no fool. “Your doctor’s appointment was today, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“No fertility issues. Nothing stopping me from moving forward. I should be ecstatic, Aurora. But all I can think about is how fucked up the timing is. I’ve been going on Friday night dates for ages, and the moment I decide I’m done with dating, they reappear in my life.”
“Are you serious about them?” my sister cuts in. “Do you want to be in a relationship with these guys, Soph? Would you want children with them?”
Would I? The only time I’ve thought about it, I’ve dismissed the idea. Damien is too rich. If I had a child with him and something were to go wrong, he could take my baby away. He could destroy me.
But would he? Is he capable of being that ruthless? Is he capable of breaking my heart?
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “It’s too soon to tell, and it’s too soon to talk about. We’ve only just got together. What am I doing, Aurora? I should break things off with them.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” my ever-practical sister replies. “Look, you have time, right? I’m assuming you’re supposed to monitor your cycle to know when you’re ovulating? You have at least a month before you have to make any decisions.”
“Is that fair to them?”
“I don’t see why not,” she replies. “Stop worrying about them, Soph. If the sex is good—”
“It’s amazing,” I murmur.
“I don't want to know the details. Or maybe I do. I’m still trying to decide if using my sister's sex life as spank bank material is creepy or not.”
Even through my turmoil, that makes me laugh.
“You’re over-thinking this,” she continues. “If the sex is good, why not keep sleeping with them? If you decide you want to try to conceive naturally, you can. If you figure out they’re not dad material—”
“What do I do then?” I interrupt again.
“Be a little self-centered for a change,” she advises. “The sex is good, right? So, use them. Keep banging them through the treatment. Use a condom, obviously.”
My first instinctive reaction is no. I can’t do that. It's not right, and it's not fair to them.
Besides, I can’t be in a friends-with-benefits relationship with Damien and Julian. I know myself. I won’t be able to keep it about just sex. My feelings will get involved.
Still, Aurora is right about one thing. There’s no reason not to track my cycle. There’s no reason not to pick out a sperm donor. I’m not committing to this course of action. I’m just keeping my options open.